400 Days of Maturity

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This isn't a blog for uni. This is a serious work related document. You've got to write like what you are writing might get put in front of the commissioner.

This is a bit of an oxymoron in my opinion, I wouldn't mind the commissioner reading my blog or the document I've written. Even the planned "10 things I think females should know about semen before having sex." post. I'm not sure if the commissioner of my work is very impressed by semen based humour, particularly by one of their employee's, but the fact is, I'm totally unconcerned about him reading it, even with the spelling misteaks.

But I guess I get the point my boss is trying to make. I need to take work more seriously. Work is hard to take seriously when you've just spent the last 21 years taking nothing seriously, in fact, going out of your way to take nothing seriously. Sure it's occasionally caused some problem, but now, this is serious business.

This means making schedules, doing research and doing all the things that has made work dull and tedious.

You ever see one of those kids shows, and they have two actors, one stands out front the other peeps from behind a wall and all the kids scream "HE'S BEHIND YOU!" and then that guy hides again, and the first performer goes and looks and he's gone?

No? Well, anyway, that's how I feel at work, something is just there, everyone is screaming, "Do this and you'll be good!" but I just can't help being an idiot and turning at the wrong moment. by which point the possibility of doing something that will impress people has long since vanished, oh well.

So that afternoon I come home, feeling a bit down. In a "Why am I here kind of mood" that I go look at some stuff from when I was happy.

My mind immediately goes to my first posts that I really poured out way too much of myself into. I read through the three posts relating to my love of representation of romance in children's films. Ah how good it felt to vent that. But of course, I look it at now. I see really short posts, no flow of wording and just a generally terrible attempt at sharing ideas. I look at what I sent my boss to read over and it's the same. Disjointed text, no flow and a poor attempt at sharing ideas.

But while I continue to struggle to attempt proper rhetoric, I have noticed that some of the content of that post could use a little update. And, as just over 400 days has passed I thought maybe my thoughts and opinions of these films would have matured likewise. That hasn't happened, but I think there does need to be some things mentioned that have happened in the meantime.

Wall-E. I'm still way too similar to this entity. I still watch this movie on average every 6 to 8 weeks, and it was only recently I got reminded that waiting for a woman to alter her opinion based on the way I treat her while she is sleeping is not so great, especially if you get your junk trapped in hers.

Happy Feet. While I am sad that Ms Murphy did decide to top herself and Pink probably won't be a perfect replacement, "Raise your flippers" might be quite catchy. Hopefully the new voice will ad some more energy to the character. I mean, that part at the end where she's like

"I guess I never heard the right song."


And the first response he can think of is "That's great." and she just doesn't bitchslap him right there saying "It's not like I didn't hear some nice ones, I could of had anybody here. It's not like I spent the last umpteen summers sitting on some lonely glacier somewhere watching the horizon waiting for you to see your body swimming toward me, I was listening to every Thomas, Richard and Henry out there. Even some Harriets occasionally. I'd eaten some odd fish that day or something. Hell, one night I even found Ramon was disproportional, not enough evidently, but you catch my drift. And then one day after hanging out with the new borns (As I said before, desperate.), I heard a song so wrong I had to help, because if I heard one more off key note, I would of probably given him to a whale because it reminded me too much of someone else who couldn't sing. So I got into Blues, and had to teach lots of other lonely try hard how to impress ladies with songs of being lost without that special someone. And then a few turns of the earth later you sidle up here, and you expect me to still want you, and you expect me to believe you'll never look at any one else, or ever be one more inch further than 70 miles away from you, because if you ever look at any one else, or if you ever go an inch further away, or spend one second of the moments we're together without your fins wrapped around mine, I don't think I could handle it this time.."

Again, the being desperate and waiting for her to come around apparently works perfectly in movies, but in real life a bit more of a challenge.

Which bring us onto the third film I chose to talk about that evening. Sigh.

Arthur and the Minimoys, was, I thought, going to be a nice trilogy, poor reviews, not really heard of, but would be special, just a "for me" kind of thing, but anyone I showed it to would more or less enjoy it.

Unfortunately, it did all go downhill in the second and third movies. Selena Gomez, despite her similar name to the female protagonist, could not fill the shoes of Madonna, and made her extremely childish. The writer really did get sloppy with the relationship between her and Arthur, the third one having her again trying to pull the sword from the stone, even though she tied doing this for several minutes during the first one, and replaced it back in the stone, PURELY for Arthur's return, but this all seems to have been forgotten and the only illusion towards Arthur and Selenia being a couple is reflected in a train scene where they end up ontop of one another. Several times. Sure it's no "Happy Feet" 'slippery ice' scene, but I'm not actually annoyed at this scene as that it's not risque enough, I'm annoyed because it's the only scene in the third film where Selenia isn't complaining, she knows Arthur will pull through, yet, seems to have short term memory loss cause all the lust, which was pretty much all she was showing in the second film, is gone. And here's me thinking, it's just going to end with Selenia joining the human racce, no, she's going to stay a minimoy, Arthur stays a human and we're back to where we were at the end of the first film, except for a city partially burnt down. Oh and a broken telescope, so you know, Arthur is going to have to have some difficulties if he's ever going to make it back to the Minimoys.

You know how most series get more mature with each film, this goes backwards, seriously.

There's something else, isn't there?


Hmm?

I mean, why are you bringing up a post from 400 days ago, what's so special about that?


Cause it's been four hundred days, yay!

So every four hundred days you're just going to patch together old jokes?


No, it's just I don't really want to.. Nevermind.

Go on, I think we're about to have a break through.


It's just. Back then I didn't have to grow up yet.

Here we go! What do you mean, child, what's stressing you out now, I mean, it can't be just work, can it?


I thought it was getting better. But it isn't. I still do repeated "Learning Opportunities"

And what's wrong with making the same mistake over and over again? Apart from the fact that primates don't even do that.


That's just the thing, I'M AN IDIOT. I'm not a suitable candidate for this roll, this roll, calls for someone mature and logical and able to follow a schedule. I can't even ever follow my own schedule.

Look, if you feel that you're that bad at the job, leave.


I can't, it would terrible on my resume, I probably wouldn't be able to secure another well paying job.

So give them what they want, become an ideal corporate citizen.


I'm trying but it's hard when you just want to do things your own way.

Aren't you moving onto your next rotation soon?


Yes, well, hopefully, and I don't know, maybe that one won't be any better. I've still got to manage to finnish this project in my current rotation, which I'm still not sure I'm good enough for.

It's getting done, isn't it?


Yes, but what if the next rotation I don't go so well, I'm going get put on many projects that may not work out, that I can't can't handle, this is going to end badly...

What you need, is somewhere to vent these anxieties, sometime after work.


After work, I'm exhausted, I have nothing to come home to but my own mess, my own energy to make some tea and get ready for the next day, and find some time to sleep.

Take some time off!


I can't, project is running to a tight schedule. And any time I have off, all I am doing is being constantly reminded that it's going to end and I'm going to have to go back to work.

All of us go through that. Geez, I didn't want to do this. When you meet Stalkee #n, she is going to expect a person who is logically put together, able to balance work and life, willing to put in a 40 hour work week at some high paying job that is very difficult, which make you able to afford any compensating item she desires. You are suppose to take her on trips for a few weeks to lovely places in in Europe, America and New Zealand. You are suppose to move back to Perth, raise a family of a couple of children, in a beautiful 2 by 4 on some street within walking distance to local schools, parks and shops.


No. You know as well as I do, she wouldn't like that. I'm not even mature enough to know exactly what I want, I know it isn't this, I know it isn't coming home to an empty house, not knowing how to properly ballroom dance, knowing that I have to wake up at the same time every day, knowing pretty much what today has instore for me. It's hard to say, but I'm probably still not the person she falls for. I'm still too desperate for her. Maybe there is a place for me there, but I wanna be weird, I want to do things in ways that confuse people. I want to be respected, head hunted even, for my crazy way of doing things.

First, you've got to conform, work your way your way up.


This is the first time, I've ever been really restricted with how I work, and it feels so wrong, so wasted. And I feel like a part of me is wanting me to fail, and that feels even worse.  I don't know who or what broke me, but I don't want to be fixed. And everybody wants me to be fixed. It reminds me of a story I once heard that the original host of Blue's Clue's was once asked "Could you please not look like you, tomorrow?" but I also once heard that he died of a heroin overdose, so I don't know what to believe.

The point is I currently have nothing to look forward to right now, Work is not so great, home life is kinda lonely, and I've got nothing to come home to, except for a few friends kilometres away and a family falling to pieces. Well, partially. I mean, if there was just a crutch that I could lean on, something positive somewhere.

So are you going to try make something better?


Yeah, but it's difficult to just say, this week, I'm going to find some friends! Or, this week Stalkee #n is going to find me! Stalkee #n, who's so relaxed and at ease where ever she is, has managed to stay so relaxed that she hasn't found me yet. It's not as though I've given her much opportunity. Not as though I can realistically expect her to pick the right building and floor in Brisbane and whisk me off to some special ten minute happy place. Perhaps she should try to meet me on the train. An afternoon would be preferable. Her best chance would be the eight-minute ride between Central and home, so she'll have to be a fast worker..


It is incredible how much effort you went to in order to include that "48 Shades of Brown" quote


Yeah, it really annoys me that I only rediscovered it a couple of nights ago, otherwise I would of attached it to every blog post.


Please don't attach it to every blog post, it's funny coming from a 17 year old, from a 21 year old it's just creepy. Wait, you changed it to "ten-minute" in the book it's two, why do you think you can..


Okay, well anyway, the point I was trying to make is, yes I can make all the effort I want to try and get something to come home to, but in the end, I just wait for things to fall into place.


So that's it. In 400 days you've learnt you're not as mature as you thought you were and now your not happy but for different reasons that you weren't happy 400 days ago.


That pretty much sums it up.


But you have learnt something. You know what makes you happy. And that's massive, not many people do that in their entire lifetime and you've worked it out by 21. And the best moments of your life haven't happened yet, so why can't you look forward to that?


Wait, what makes me happy? OH THAT. Oh yes. But I am slightly sick of looking forward, so I'll move on now to things I have seen


Graffiti of the week:

 This actually has appeared on a number of sites, but I can be proud and say, I noticed it and took a photo. 

I'm not sure how they got the whole band inside a box.

"No Diving, there is no lifeguard."

Good night!