Road To Awesomenessness

Small, unrelated events.

2011-11-12T00:49:00.029+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

Sigh.

Maybe if I'd didn't look at the ABC website and see that SuperTed was available on DVD I wouldn't have stayed up so late on the Thursday night and I would have gone to bed earlier, and I would have been more awake at work the next day and none of this would have happened.

Maybe if I didn't take so long choosing today's clothes I would have been more alert and none of this would have happened.

Maybe if I'd slept that little bit longer and missed my bus, and felt obliged to have lunch later, none of this would have happened.

Maybe if I didn't go out last night, or didn't waste so much time on Friday morning, I would have made my lunch like I normally do and none of this would have happened.

Maybe if I hadn't got distracted by a call, I wouldn't of left for lunch later than I normally do, and none of this would have happened.

Maybe if I didn't have that health scare (I'll get to it.) earlier this year, I would of taken the lift, and none of this would have happened.

Maybe if I went straight to lunch, and didn't read through a few news articles first, I wouldn't have been so annoyed at people going down the stairs.

Maybe if, in my moment jerk back to reality in which I realised I should be concentrating on the stairs so I don't trip, I would have completely stopped, or just completed the step I was on, rather than I minor freak out and choosing to jump the rest of the eight stairs.

Maybe in that moment, where I realised I was going down eight stairs and might not make it, I could of changed my angle, and aimed for the bottom stair.

Maybe if I hadn't brought the cheaper shoes two weeks ago, they would of had better grip, and I wouldn't of fallen after attempting to land solely on my right foot.

Maybe if I'd had dry cleaned my other pants earlier in the week as I had originally intended, I would have worn another pair, and when I slid across the floor, the wouldn't have ripped.

Maybe after coming back from lunch, someone had immediately noticed the hole, I would of been sent away for workcover stuff immediately.

Maybe if I wasn't such a beggar for attention, I wouldn't have posted about the hole on Facebook, and my annoyance that I'll have to get it repaired.

Maybe if I hadn't friended one of the people I work with on Facebook, he wouldn't have asked me about the hole from across the room.

Maybe if my team leader wasn't in earshot. He wouldn't of heard and wanted to see the hole too.

Maybe if I hadn't revealed that it had happened in the stairwell, and let them believe that it had happened when I was at home, everyone would have laughed and got on with everything.

Maybe if I had filled out the incident report faster, I would have put the icepack on earlier.

Maybe if I had booked a doctor in the city, rather than my usual.

Maybe if I had just booked the appointment for Saturday rather than thinking I could get from the city to Kedron in 30 minutes on a Friday afternoon.

Maybe if I had called and organised the taxi as I'd put the ice pack on, rather than after the required 30 minutes, I would have have got the taxi on time, instead of waiting, getting a taxi that wouldn't pick me up (As I wasn't going to the airport.) or maybe I would have got the second one that just completely drove past.

Maybe if I had suggested the back route I knew instead of letting the taxi stick to main roads, I may have made that appointment, rather being dropped off a kilometre away from my house.

Maybe then I wouldn't have had to go in to the medical centre the next morning, then maybe I wouldn't have decided to go food shopping on the way home (as I was driving past) without full knowledge of what I actually needed to restock.

And that my friends, is today's lesson.

"Don't fall down stairs, you'll end up with 2.5kg of shredded cheese in the fridge."

But by now someone is probably overly concerned about my "prior health scare"

Blurred vision just kinda freaked me out a bit, and after reflecting on my last 21 year worth of diet, I thought it was high time that I found out if I had broken my body yet. Seven little tubes of blood later, I have a healthy cholesterol, regular blood sugars, a normal thyroid, healthy kidneys. After a diet with a high carnivorous content, the last question in the world I thought I'd be asked was:

"Your iron is a little low, how much meat do you eat?"

Well that did knock the wind out of me all round. My blood is healthy, my pancreas hasn't packed it in, and my body demands a six meats pizza for dinner. All jokes aside, I do need to start eating better to get it well into the next 50+ years, but the fact is, this first twenty have been pretty much void so far.

So yeah, that's been my last couple of weeks. Also transitioning to new job, but, minor detail. Seriously, the thing was the cheese is much more interesting.

CCMMOTM for October:

Okay, so this didn't have quite the affect I was hoping for. I was hoping actually that Stalkee #3 would like the idea, and possibly even send me some suggestions for songs that she thought would be also representing how she was feeling at the present time. Well, I'm not sure what she actually thought of it because she chose to completely ignore it. She didn't even like my last post.. :( Not that I need some sort of artificial crutch of respect and admiration of everything I do as being perfect and sweet through her eyes.

But it does help.

Dude, hasn't she 'liked' nearly every other post you make?

Yes, that's true, but this was my first public venting about talking about how much her drunk texts really mean the world to me and she chose to ignore it.

Wait, so you asked "What did you think of CCMMOTM?" and she changed the subject?

Well, I didn't exactly bring it up..

So, you haven't actually heard what she thought of the post, so you're assuming she hates it?

Well, yeah, why wouldn't she not bring it up?

Because, maybe she missed it? Dude, you make like 6 posts an hour some days, and you expect her to notice a blog post?

Yeah, well I sware someone from the Netherlands appeared in my stats.

Yes, I did read it, it wasn't bad, it just wasn't your best, plus your music selections weren't great, I just thought that our relationship was better than random songs you picked scrolling through your 'borrowed' music folder, oh and in your "unsubtle mix" you missed out a few really obvious songs that you really ought to have included.

Okay, seriously, is she going to keep appearing like that?

Most likely.

Hello, you must be Lachlan's self-consciousness.

Maybe. Look, do you wanna hear his CCMMOTM for October and then November or not?

I guess.

The Pursuit of Happiness - The Divine Comedy Okay, yes, this one just happened to be one Shuffle landed on a lot last month, but seriously, it has a nice message - "I'm happy, you're happy, the world is screwed up but let's just get together anyway." And seriously, that orchestral section in the middle is just awesome.

Yeah, it's okay.

Thank you. Forever is a long time and to be with one person forever is getting harder, so I chose this next one specifically because I think it really positively reflects on how important time is together, as well as apart.

Oh god, you're just going to pick "Without You" for November aren't you?

No, much like "Just the Way You Are." I have issues with this.

Oh now you've done it, he's going to rant now...

It might be interesting...

Say that when you've been in here 10 years

Yes, "Without You" does sound nice, but much like "Replay" sure, it's catchy and gets in your head - but then you realise what it's actually about. It's not just a sweet, "I have been with you so long, I can't imagine life without you" or "I just want to be around you a lot, and I feel really comfortable around you." It's

I WANT TO CUT OFF MY HEAD AND PUT IT ON YOUR SHOULDER!!

As much as I love to be clingy - this guy just is to the point of annoyance,

"Oh I can't do anything unless you're beside my side I even have trouble making regular bowel movements" - To the point where he states that he is incapable of the following things:

- Movement

- Sight

- Be able to think positively

- Sleep

Look, man, there was a time before this girl, I'm sure she's awesome, and it's not just because she has a nice rack, but you were able to sleep before her, in fact, love actually stimulates serotonin production, a side effect of which can result in irregular sleep/poor sleep. So there, breaking up may actually lead to a better sleeping pattern, so it might be better for you in the long run.

I'm sorry, but a strong relationship is one thing, but I'm giving this girl full permission to dump his ass for being over dependant and clingy.

And I'm pretty sure the main melody is a rip off from "Chopsticks" as well as the piano from "Yellow" in the last 25 seconds.

You think the piano from "Yellow" is in everything.

Oh that isn't true, sometimes it's the four cords from "Don't Stop Believin'" sometimes it's the eight notes from " Pacabell's cannon in D"

The CCMMOTM for November has actually been a bit harder,

You know, you could just pick "Submarine Symphonika" and be done with it.

I could, but, I'd like you to know that there was actually thought behind the choice. Annoyingly, the more I think about it, the more obvious it becomes...

Otoko no Ko.

I can hear housemate #2 sighing right now and thinking "Really? Really Lachlan?" Well, Housemate #2 (And Housemate #1 if he gets roped into this discussion.) YES, SHE WORTH WATCHING HIGH SCHOOL RUMBLE.

I just want it on the record that I sent you that song months ago as a piece of advice.

If you let me continue, I would of said "Actually, this is cheating a bit, because she sent this as a bit of advice." It was sitting there all along, and it's perfect. You see, but the next blog post, a moment will have occurred which will either go fantastic, or go down like the Hindenburg. And the outcome will depend purely on whether the timing was actually right. Whether it was smart to pick this date in particular, in this location in particular, or whether I should have waited. I will know all of this, by the next post. Which is very scary. So I have to sort out an environment which is neutral and that if things go wrong, they don't go overly wrong. That is, the moment will not occur on a blimp suspended by Hydrogen. I'm trying to stay away from eateries. I mean, there is always Happy Feet 2.

Really? REALLY? REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAALLLLY? You're trying to create a romantic setting and the best you can do is a kid's film, the first of which, granted, did have romantic content, but is it really possible that the second one won't over emphasise on the importance of conservation as opposed to the fact that every six months a bird walks 40 kilometres to have 30 seconds of sex, then proceeds to stand in a huddle with hundreds of other guys?

Ah, now that's what the third one should be about, the awkwardness of being homosexual in the huddle.

Just an FYI, talking about homosexuality in birds is generally a turn off.

Noted. Okay, granted, I can see it having even more environmental overtones and an even younger target audience for some reason. But hey, not everyday you walk into a movie theatre and think "Geez, some of these guys are more likely to get to second base during this film than I am...." Although, the number of people complaining about the fact that Mumble doesn't look aged does give me hope that there maybe people above the age of five genuinely interested in seeing this.

Anyway, the next couple of weeks is for me, and me alone to mess up.

Graffiti of the Week:

This week's selections come from a series of improved posters from around a building site in West End in which new sky rise apartments are to be located, which apparently are being marketed toward androgynous couples who love almost kissing in front of matte paintings of generic skylines.

Male: How do I tell I've been sleeping with Sarah?

Female: How do I tell I've been sleeping with Sarah

Invite Sarah to a game of charades and see where things go from there.

Male (Made more apparent this time by someone drawing male genitals on him, unfortunately, were not biology experts, so have drawn them on his face.)

Female: I would love you more if we lived in the river

Unfortunately, single white female, the Brisbane river is a high traffic waterway, meaning stationary buoyant accommodation is impossible.

Male: Drown me already

These apartments are actually located some distance away from the river, in order to successfully submerge your respiratory system, you would have to perform a 15 minute walk or a 5 minute bus ride on one of Translink's many convenient routes that travel in and around South Bank and the central business district of Brisbane.

Until I get banned from the network, or get worker's compensation for a bruise that has all but disappeared, good bye.

You only just got that breastfeeding joke now, didn't you?

A Wealth of Experiences

2011-09-30T22:03:00.000+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

It's been how long? Wow. A while. As in more than 1/4 of the year. Interesting, I recently got a phone call that people from my old job were curious as to where I was and what I was doing. Thank you very much - I feel wanted or something. Well, you haven't missed much. That job. That girl. Some rugs and an experience with a wallet.

That job.
Now the job is in an IT department for a mining/engineering/rail/consulting group. Well, when I saw that, it's one company with a few different divisions. Ever since working for a government department, I've felt antsy about giving out places I have allegiances to - but you can just check my Facebook profile. Two problems have occured, one is, there was always plans to standardise the division, give them one standard operating environment. But of course, I say standard operating environment, people laugh. Due to different hardware specifications and software requirements if you're in a company where every computer is exactly the same (In terms of hard drive content.) Then there are two possibilities, one, there is only one computer, two, there is only one account that everybody uses. Of course, what happened is originally, all this divisions were operating with their own environments. A CEO somewhere said "Let's get 'em all together. It'll be cheaper and make more profit." "Alright sounds good." A techie somewhere said "Hold on a second. All the systems are different." that CEO then went "Well, pick the best one or something, get them all together." Techie said "Aw. Crap." So, big plan went into action, to 'pick the best one' or rather, 'make one computer image for all the places'

But when I say 'all the images' were different. I mean, everything was different, different help desks, different software, different networks (right down to network masks.) different intranet layouts, different VPN setups. Just... EVERYTHING, how the applications ran, how it was all maintained. TRUST ME, it was messed up. So, they started bringing it all together. First things first, making them all managed by one help desk. This turned out to be a massive task in itself, it was brought down to two help desks, one in Sydney, one in Brisbane, each responsible for three divisions. Then, training occurred to attempt to at least get all the divisions serviced by both. After all this, they decided to stop and attempt to plan their next move, the "picking the best image" choosing the right processes, infrastructure, implementation, indeed, the very future of the network. This sounded very long and very expensive, so someone said "Why don't we outsource?"

"Outsourcing" is the act of someone saying "It's all too hard. Let someone else deal with all this crap." Not realising that some other group has now got to come, understand all the current processes, and implement a whole new design, all while trying to turn a profit. Profit, being the key word here. As much as outsourcing can be good a forcing a single image over a weird environment like ours, it's going to fail. Why? Because they ALL do. Being part of a transition team requires you to be an optimist but never learn from previous mistakes. All the takeover company really wants to do is sell a whole lot of equipment at once, but there are so many issues - such as that all the support of the company will be taken over by the external, who has spent years developing processes and strategies to run it's networks, all of which they want to do to the network they are taking over. For which they already have perfectly trained staff. In no transition will you hear of all the service centre staff being taken on by the new company, because they already have staff. Take over companies are also responsible for many companies and want the standard support staff to be able to support any of them (Hence, the "streamlining" of procedures.) . So, letting all he people go who know the old "useless" procedures, and just letting all the people who knows your processes take over everything.This makes perfect sense from a corporate perspective. But, of course, what happens is pretty much the same thing that happens if you gave a cat to someone who'd only ever looked after dogs. You get boat captain with no understanding of the buoyancy of icebergs. You get a pilot with a misunderstanding of the flammability of hydrogen gas. You get a guy, who has a misunderstanding of how electrons flow through a battery, with jumper leads.

What I'm trying to say is there is a horrible transition to a even worse state.

Okay, I'm not saying that eventually the network will be better off. It'll just only happen via a horrible period where every facet of the business will be unproductive. Server swap outs will mean downtime, image rollouts will mean downtime. Less call centre staff looking after more companies will mean longer wait times when calling up. And that makes me sad. Will there be any on call? I can't tell you because we haven't been able to look at the contract. The contract being signed by a guy who 6 months prior said, "We will only outsource over my dead body." So not only has it just generally been terrible, some sold out their values.

There have been roles offered. And I've applied for one, but I think I may have been turned down for two, but I don't know because these are the type of group which don't get back to the people they reject. I've found this more and more common with recruiters. I'm not sure why this is considered polite. It's called, being annoying by being uncertain to all the applicants. Luckily for me, there's more in the pipeline - but that's not the thing that gets to me, it's not about the job, it's not about the uncertainty of where I'll go if I don't get a job in Queensland. It's the fact that IT support is something I take very seriously - and I don't like to know that it's being handed off to groups who don't really know the networks that well (Seeing they have to deal with so many.) and also, in those companies, privileges to even create users on AD are only held by a very small group of users.meaning what are currently very basic requests are going to get delayed. In an ideal world, 99% of support should have Domain Privileges. Why? Because the worst thing you can do to a customer is spend 15 minutes solving an issue, only to tell them I have to forward you onto someone else because I don't have access to Works. That's just wrong. Telecommunications companies even share my point of view on this, so that's something. Maybe I'm just bitter because of how much effort it was moving over here and I'm not going to get any financial assistance if I have to move again.

The Wallet.
Now on to our main topic. I was given a wallet. Not only that, a MAN'S wallet. Leather, multiple spaces for cards. And a press stud clasp. This was serious.

Given to me as my current wallet has been with me for eight years and has been through a lot. It's dirty, the stitching is starting to tear, there's unspeakable marks. But it's been though multiple library cards, it went with me to Italy (Which feels like a lifetime ago in itself.) It held my copy of the first first Student Edge card ever (Back when it was cold "Student Oasis" and it was run purely by Willetton dropouts.) It's had drivers licences from different states, cards from four different banks. My "poetry" from my "emo" phase. (Actually, just pure rip offs of Cameron Wolfe's Words from "When Dogs Cry" by Markus Zusak. I still can't believe Mr Zusak has only written six books. And three are in the "Underdog" series which is so awesome. And for a fourteen year old me, nothing said awesome like Octavia. There are also two perfect circle indentations in the back, after being told by my year 10 sex ed teacher "You never know, and you're a sweet kid." Of course this was expressly after a lesson where we were told that a wallet is a terrible poor place to keep prophylactics due to the heat makes them likely to expand and contract and more likely to break when they are eventually used. But it was still nice to be optimistic. But it was time to say goodbye. After all, to many times the velcro has annoyed me. So this was it. I was going to get rid of it. Trading up to something to try and match my age.

The wallet itself has nine places for card, including one "windowed" sleeve for a drivers licence. A pocket for the notes and a pouch for coins. And that's where issue one arose.

I like carrying change. The location of the coin purse is behind several card pockets. Seriously? Several coins, put pressure on the cards, widening the wallet, making it unable to be closed. The uneveness of the coins even made it hard to store card in the slots in the first place, meaning a whole section of the wallet was unusable. Resulting in the discovery, if I'd like to carry coin I'd have to do it in a separate purse, and I'm still too young and hetro to pull off a man purse. But, okay, I decided, if that's my only issue, then I'm sure I could learn to live with the change, so I began to move my cards over and I found issue two.

I didn't have that many cards, so I added my debit cards.

I got my first savings eftpos card. when I was about 14. As I had the same wallet as I did now, I didn't have room for any more cards in it. I got a little card protector free with it. Seeing at 14 I had all of $70 in my bank account. I kept it separate from my wallet, cause that was my $70. It was very logical at the type to keep my EFTPoS card away from my actual wallet.

And that's the way I've always done it, I currently have two Visa card which I keep in a different pocket. I find it nicer than having to break out my wallet all the time. Bad habit? I dunno, maybe? If I'm doing to protect from pick pockets, I know it's probably a bad idea, because 1. They'd probably find it anyway while grabbing my phone and 2. My drivers licence is still in my wallet. Still enough to open a bank account in my name and ruin my credit rating. But on that subject:

Thirdly, pants. Or more specifically pants pockets. Wallet. Front pocket. it makes sense to me, in trying to avoid the situation above, any person attempting to take something from a front pocket is right near a body part which is going to tell when someone else is touching it, no matter how briefly. Also, harder to get the wallet completely out. With my stuff in my front pockets, I feel it there, so it makes me feel secure about the stuff, and I'M NOT SITTING ON IT. It's amazing that the male posterior has not not evolved for an indentation in the left cheek, cause that's where I see guys my age now carrying their leather-bound, Amex-carrying wallets. Either, their jobs contain a lot of standing, or they have second wallet in their other pocket. It's not that it's particularly uncomfortable sitting with something in your back pocket, it just either causes you to pull your pants up higher, so the parts of your body in contact with your chair are flat, usually causing whatever is in your back pocket to slowly slide out as your body leans back naturally to centre the spine. Or you are constantly on a slight angle because the pressure of the object (especially an odd object such as car keys.) digs into you, and your slight angle makes everybody look at you, slightly tilted to see you eye to eye, making everybody look very silly. Luckily, this wallet did fit into the front pocket of all except one of my pairs of jeans, so I though I could even work around that.

But then, as I was taking my keys and carabiner chain off my old wallet. There was nowhere to put it. Like my EFTPoS card before it, if I'm going somewhere by public transport or using my legs, I don't take my car keys. For two reasons, 1. Because the only space for them is my back pocket, which causes the previously mentioned problems when sitting for a period of time on public transport. and 2. Because I have keys on my wallet. Now I do take my phone and wallet everywhere. I'd like a method of emergency contact and I'd like some identification. But my car keys without my car, well, I'd take them if I needed a house key, but I don't, cause I have one on my wallet (Also attached is a piece of brass chain, which had a carabiner attached during my Italy trip, as an anti theft device. By attaching the carabiner to the nearest belt loop, I was less likely to take out my wallet and leave it someone without it banging to my thigh. The other interesting thing about this chain, is when it was given to me for this purpose, it was covered in dust and whatever else a piece of brass chain gets covered in for sitting in a shed for years. I did not polish it at all, but in the space of about 5 weeks, it came to a lovely shine, just do to it moving when I took my wallet out. Which I was told was going to happen, I was just surprised how well it happened, and it has remained shiny to this day.

So I guess, if I wanted to use this wallet I'd have to start taking my car keys everywhere. Okay, lets move my cash, business cards and aforementioned contraceptive devices. After all, if I was the type of guy to have a leather wallet, it means I could be mistaken for a business man, and I could get gold diggers after whatever treasures were laying in it (To wit I will provide them a couple of pre-lubricated rubber sheaths as the type of males they are trying to attract may be the type who expect the female to provide the sheaths. As I would actually probably have no money for the alcoholic beverages they request after purchasing a few overpriced, fruity cocktails and a line of shots for Stalkee #3 and myself (We're getting there. What you really think I would waste the probably ruined sheaths on myself? Heck no, that's what the other ten stored in a "Dark, dry cool environment" are for. P.S. I am bringing the word "sheath" back into everyday language.).)

On the day of "Wallet Change-over" in question, this was actually after a night out, so I found myself with a surplus of notes in my wallet. In my unfortunate state in Fortitude Valley the previous evening, I had paid for each separate expense that night with the largest note available in my wallet, as I had apparently forgotten math again. As a result, I had quite a number of lowest denomination notes, either looking like I'd struck well at the pokies or been overly critical at a Gentleman's club. I also found a selection of receipts and business cards occupying my notes section of my old wallet. To my dismay, not even the notes would store properly. I tried moving the business cards to the leftover spaces for cards, I tried reintroducing the 2 unused, back to the 10 unused. But still. The wallet just did not want to fold properly.

I threw it on the ground. I couldn't get chain in it, I would have to get it out each time I wanted to use a card, I couldn't secure it to my pants. I couldn't get it into my pants. I couldn't put keys on it and I couldn't put my other money in it. I began to wonder what people do actually use these wallets for. It can only hold cards, yet cannot be secured and either proves difficult in removing from a front pocket, or a pain to remove from the back. I'm not saying it didn't have its' upsides, the space for my drivers licence was a lot nicer to remove it from when I got carded. It matched my suit. It had a lot more space for cards, and I could remove them from the wallet with ease, and when full, it looked like a well used wallet, by someone who actually had money. It was leather, it looked expensive. It matched my suit. It was a lot nicer to pay with, I felt so awesome getting it out, it looked like it was owned by a recent adult, it was still, flat, shiny, looked like it was used, but well looked after. It matched my suit. But the end of the day, much like my suit. Impractical for my day to day. I don't lead a "suit" lifestyle. I don't like to pay for everything by card, it's not an Amex, it's not platinum, my personalised card still has the wall of cables image

So, after much deliberation. I went back. It was given to me as a gift. It was not a wasted expensive, it was nice I love it don't get me wrong. It just wasn't for me at this point in time. It was like someone gave me $300,000 sports car without an AUX jack. Cool, yes, but practical? No. Especially if they want me to insure it. So very carefully, I did what had to be done. I reboxed it, added a "Happy Birthday, Brother in Law" post it and put it aside ready for my next trip to Perth. He could regift it back after I was ready for it. Seriously, THERE ARE STILL CARS WITHOUT AUX JACKS.

My old wallet is falling apart, it's only got space for three cards, I still carry my Debit cards and Go Cards outside my wallet. I still have business cards for people who wouldn't know me if I called, but I would like to con a job out of if my current one falls though. I still carry coin. It's old. It smells odd (I think the packaging on the strawberry one got a hole in it.) but it's still what I need. I will still look around for a new wallet, I guess, but unfortunately to continue fitting my needs, it might just clash with my suit.

That girl
When I last spoke to you I was as giddy as a cat that has corned and caught the red dot on the floor that has been dancing around for the last 15 minutes.

Well, what's changed? Not much. Well, I've found that soppy "LOVE ME, DAMMIT, LOVE ME!!!!!!!1" sms's are a bit hit and miss. Just one of those messages, that it pops into your head and you think, I can't think of anything that would explain my feelings better. Then you send it and your all like "Crap, her facepalm is so loud I can hear it in another timezone."

But I have found something to do with my short-lived Places where she isn't section. You see, apparently there have been other relationships, and more importantly, relationships which have had similar experiences, feelings and emotions that I'm going through. So rather than just endlessly talk about her and the belegino she is, talk about where we're at, or the latest "I know I'm whipped when..." moments, I thought, what I'd just do is post a song with relevant lyrics. Well, just the song title, and any lyrics which I think stand out. Cause a lot of love songs are full of nonsense but have one or two key lines which redeem them. I call this "Current cheesy montage music of the month" The idea being that if all the moments of interaction with Stalkee #3 were cut together in a dodgey "Lachlan loves Stalkee #3" video clip with someone who has just learnt how to use transition, which music track would required to be audioswapped after a copyright claim.

CCMMOTM for June: Not actually Friday I'm in Love as I alluded to. More that just fit that week so perfectly. I'm leaning on the song "Open Happiness" - Cee-Lo For a song written to sell a beverage, it's catchy and makes you want to go zorbing - or at least, the Australian one is catchy. The original song recording has a lot slower pace, but indeed amongst the slow grove is one of those golden lines.

"Today I woke up feeling happiness overflowing knowing somebody loves me, just to think yesterday I was down and out, and now there's not a signle thing for me to frown about and the same thing could happen to you, smilin' so hard, my mouth is like a capital 'U' "

Despite the painfulness the image referred to, which would actually mean that you've torn several muscles in your face, the message is clear. Things change very quickly. From bad to good, and sometimes back again. There is also a line about The bridge between us is a rainbow but seeing that the electron flow through an optic fibre is normally does with invisible light, concentrated into a beam, it would be very unlikely that the connection would ever resemble a rainbow without severely damaging the signal.

Runner up: Whole Wide World - The Proclaimers Not the original, but if there is one duo who can sing about going a very long distance The Proclaimers really have it covered with I'm Gonna Be and I'm On My Way as well as this cover.

CCMMOTM July: "Walking on Sunshine" - Katrina and the Waves.

Replace mailbox with Inbox and you've really got something.

Runner Up: "This Girl" - Songs to Wear Pants To

Let's face it, if you want a song that does away with the endless promises and speaks from the depths of a guy's heart, This Girl provides a no-holes-barred approach to romance. I can't just pick one particular line, because it is potentially the most honest love song I've ever heard, and every word speaks directly from the heart. It's kinda like "Just The Way You Are" but without the pretentiousness.

CCMMOTM August: Bruises - Chairlift

"I tried to do handstands for you, I tried to do headstands for you but every time I fell, every time I fell for you"

It was only going to be song long before I'd post an indie song. I had the pleasure of seeing Chairlift live back when I was L-Fish for a weekend, they weren't bad, all that happened was I realised this was really their stand out song, all their stuff kind of sounds the same unfortunately.

Runner up: Do I Creep You Out? There's many ways to be a boyfriend, but usually it goes along a scale from Heartless Bastard to this guy - and sometimes you are just lucky enough to have someone realise all your misunderstood affection did have good intentions. Because sometimes, your mind is so wasted on hormones that grabbing the nearest kitchen knife just seems logical.

CCMMOTM September: Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to jump to this song so soon. I really had a good thought about, I tried to listen to reason and just pick something from Savage Garden, but right now, the song that most accurately sums up how I feel about Stalkee #3 and the most amazing person she is a song so powerful in message that most people will think I'm insane to break out this song this early in a relationship, but, never the less, this song fits the bill.

At your very basic level you get your mainstream love songs. These are the songs filled with impossible challenges, still being in love after breaking up and all other types of nonsense. Let's take "Grenade" as an example. "Grenade" is Bruno Mars whining that he's willing to do things he'll never have to do to please he's girl, but apparently the female won't make the same commitments.

In terms of "Love song challenges" notice how they're nearly all sung by males.. Why? Because that's how males can show affection - males are good with their words and grammar's, but what he can do, is still fulfil that primordial urge to prove he's the alpha male by beating up all the other males of the tribe. Well, guess what, girls don't love like that, the female showing of affection is normally in the form of words and actions of a more self-deprecating nature (Let's face it, you hardly wash down there and your still want her to touch it. You probably let all gunky stuff build up on them. And you probably don't trim your hair around that region either. SERIOUSLY GUYS. I myself could never see myself getting a girl to perform the action unless she absolutely wanted to, and I was absolutely 100% sure that she would enjoy it in some way. "OH!" I hear you whine "But she's expecting me to touch hers!" Well she keeps hers a lot cleaner thank you. So buck up guys and trim your own bloody toenails.).

Your next level up, you get your crooners - Love songs when physical relationships were hinted in paper thin innuendo, now days, we're past this, and physical relationships are more subtly or clevely alluded to in a song like this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or this.

Getting towards the top end you get your indie songs, the songs that get your tiny band off the ground and into a beer commercial. Where you get your really sweet stuff that you learn on ukulele to make an video, where you get the stuff to pad out your mix tapes, and generally, choose "your song" so nobody else can sing along so you can be a proper hipster couple. Your Picture Frames, Sleepyhead, Speak the Truth in Love, the stuff your band wrote when it was actually just the lead singer writing music for his partner but had a series of cords that were memorable or used an interesting instrument that were picked up by ad agencies or got a play at the right place and right time to be played over everything. Pretty much everyone will remember either the main line or the chorus, but you can tell of the people who actually own their complete album rather than just the single by those who actually know the bit where the backup singers just seem to mumble unintelligently.

Beyond that, you get your songs not composed by a band, rather, single songs written, usually by guys who are actually probably forever alone. Stuff which should really only be unleashed to your partner in very special circumstances.

And then... The song above everything. The song which says everything that needs be said, and most importantly... Nothing more.

Ladies and gentlemen. I present... For you.. The last great love song. The song whispered in the darkness up to a private balcony. The song which bellows from the silence shared on a couch at 4 in the morning. Painstakingly etched into tree trunks that will outlast mankind. To the taken, to the singles, to the open relationships, to those falling in love for the first time, to those who have lost all hope, to those who have swore off a relationship completely:

She is Beautiful - Andrew W.K.

Apart from teaching the world how to party again, Andrew W.K. has finally found all the words that need to be said. Andrew W.K. once got a table to head bang. So when it came to a love song. Andrew W.K. knew better than wimpy piano and whistling, it's a song that you have to sing with gusto, whimpering this song is like trying to eat chicken one lick at a time. This a song that you bite into.

Sure, I could describe every choice of syllable in detail, but let's just aim for a couple of my personal favorites:

"The girl's too young, she don't need any better, it's all coming back I can feel it"

The magic of a partner is leaning that personality traits you have make someone interested in you. You're still just you, the same person you have generally been for your entire life and suddenly, you're special. Which is why I know a lot of people who have felt kind of strange at the concept of aspects of their personality attracting a person. "I'm just this random person, it's kind of weird that turns you on. Once someone has learnt to accept that indeed, they are a turn on, a more interesting thing happens. You realise that a lot of other people are similar to you, they have the exact same traits that got you snuggled up on the couch watching a bad movie. It's even worse when you discover that there's personality traits that this certain someone finds appealing that you don't have, but more scary, other people have. As suddenly the confidence in yourself has appeared, it vanishes, as you realise there could be someone better for this person. But... You like where you are, everybody is a little bit selfish, she's currently happy knowing there is no one that she or he can like any better. But rather than jumping to conclusions and locking them in the basement so they can't meet anyone else, you instead choose to really make a big deal out of the stuff she likes. Yeah, better is out there, but better is not you, so you must appear better. Some people take this too far, either becoming a tool, or just freaking out and becoming over protective about the communication between their partner and others (I'm looking at you, entire female population.)

"You're giving me moves that hit from all sides, and when you're hitting like that you melt my eyes."

Guys are hard. And tough. And sometimes gross. And all sticky. Like bad milk. But this is mentioning one thing that happens with guys when they find a nice girl. They get choked up. If they are talkative, they shut up. If they are quiet and to themselves, love can make them terrible brash and loud. However, one thing that's generally accepted amongst all guys is a requirement to be emotionless. Until of course, the right moves are made. Eyes used to staring in rage will soften, new words will enter the vocabulary (Such as the ability to finally express your concerns about a floral arrangement. Actually, maybe that's just me. Seriously, this bouquet was totally random, it had a bird of paradise in amongst roses and daffodils.) burps may be suppressed and you have this undesirable urge to leave the seat down while urinating.

"And though I never know you, I look at your face, tell you that I love you, don't know what to say, you're everything I got, you beautiful girl, the only thing I live for in this whole wide world."

Rather than just go for appearance - She Is Beautiful goes for something bold. That guy's really have no idea about the girl they are going out with. Well, okay, they know them, but, they will never "know" them, they could guess how they could react under various circumstances, but you never truly know how someone thinks, feels.

Point two: I love you is said by a guy when there's nothing else to say. Some of us say it too soon, some of us say it too late. Either way, it's said at the exact wrong moment. Because nothing else feels right.

Some may thing "Only thing I live for in the whole wide world" is a bit of an exaggeration. To those people I say, well, if one day, when you wake up, roll over and look at someone would prefer to stay awake so you can look at the person, even if they are still sleeping, you aren't going to jump in front of your train to work that day are you? I'm sure there are other reasons you aren't going to jump in front of that train, but let's just say those other reasons disappeared, when you wake up in the morning, you are looking forward to a very long and crap day, you might get blamed for something you didn't do, you might have to submit something you know is rubbish, you might have to spend the entire day in intense pain, wouldn't being able to roll over and look at someone at least help?

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is She is not just any she. And that's how I've been feeling this month. A much simpler song will probably be used for October, some of the giddy has gone in order to try and get some of the more mundane stuff of the relationship out of the way. But every so often the messages arc to an opportunity to tell her about that photo of her, used as her friends profile picture is actually a really nice photo of her too. Although I'm not suggesting she change her profile pic either cause that's nice too. Wonder's if she realises JUST HOW BLUE her eye's are.

Seriously damn close.

You may have noticed 10 pages ago at the top of the page, I've decided to landmark the moment of inevitable failure with some stolen javascript. Of course, I've been a little flexible, because after she gets here, she'll be all jet lagged. Then she'll probably want to sort out her job and then there will be a weekend and she'll want to go out and spend a couple of days to recover, and then she have to wait until the Registrar's Court is open and submit the application for the restraining order. And in Australia, they've chickened out and just call them "Intervention" orders.

Graffiti of the week:

On the back of the male toilet door at Mana Bar Melbourne. Yes. The attendees of the Melbourne one also know how to properly decorate a toilet. - The more astute among my readers will know this as a company spending way too much money promoting another "It's not Modern Warefare but kinda looks like Modern Warefare" FPS - However, this one at least had the decency to unite Korea

Est. 1936

Sometimes just doing small circles helps too

In an awesome twist of fate, Game Traders WILL take you seriously.

"AHHHH, dammit, usually I wake on a train."

It makes it even more dangerous but damn enjoyable.

Real men don't use player guides.

Portal quotes are still this safe zone, when all else fails, put a Portal quote.

DOUBLE THE HALF SAVINGS!

Quite!

So yes, my lords, ladies, my fellow employees, that was July to October 2011. Hopefully there will not be as much of a delay... Hopefully. Come on! You wanna know how Stalkee #3 works out don't you? You want to know how my second job in as many months work out? Which timezone I end up in?

So until my account lockout kicks in, good bye.

Interview'd

2011-07-13T22:00:00.000+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

I must admit, I hadn't been as enthusiastic as I'd hoped about looking for a new job.I'd applied for several positions a range of IT support, Systems admin, network admin roles. Even a SQL position. Something that I could really get into. But I hadn't heard anything in reply to any of my submissions, so I was just stuck, in the routine of getting up, adding a couple of jobs to an ever expanding window and lots of free time. I had a rough budget, but sticking to a budget is difficult when you have the choice of staying in and being depressed about no social contact, or going out and feeling depressed because you are compelled to spend money.

I was impressed how quickly my sleeping habits went wrong too. After about four days, I was back to my uni 3am to 11am time period.

Monday the 28th June felt like a normal day. I had been trying to do 2 job applications a day. I thought I could do more, but rewriting a cover letter takes a lot out of you. My latest search on Seek had brought up a number of jobs hosted by online recruitment agency. So, being lazy, I just sent my resume and cover letter to the website and decided that would do for the day. I had a sudden burst of energy and decided to make somewhat of an effort, I attempted to do some tidying of my lounge room I even cleaned up enough to vacuum the floor. But other than that, nothing exciting. Tuesday is when things got a little more interesting.

I got a phone call from someone from that recruitment agency with the exciting news, that there were two immediate start positions that she wanted to get me into. One was at a private boys school. Nostalgia, of course, hit me very quickly. I would be back to fantastic hours. Doing support by myself and getting to do some not too complicated stuff. Unassisted, unaccompanied joy. Then I heard about the other job. It was a contract at a mining firm. Phone support to begin with, but the possibility to move to more advanced work, including server management, SoE deployment and administrator roles. I was advised that it was a contract, based on whenever the company decided to outsource their low level support, which I was advised will not be for sometime, so the contract will be rolling until some plans are in place.

I guess it's me making a big deal of reading everything. But, it was like this weird choice, do I move on? Doing support towards what i want to eventually do and start getting experience now? Or do I spend a couple more years just bumming around doing my own thing? So I did what I always did when faced with a tough decision. Hired out a bunch of movies and ate ice cream. But of course, I was lucky and decision was made for me.

On Thursday evening, I got a phone call, the rep of the IT recruitment agency, saying that the mining company wanted an interview. In just over 12 hours. There would be your standard interview questions to be answered in standard STAR format, then a technical component. Oh and do you have any piercings, tattoos and what were you going to wear? Because she had never met me, she was concerned that I looked like I spoke or something. I could reassure her that I would be wearing a suit and apart from acne, my face does look approachable. I thanked her, ended the call, then realised I had a job interview, at a place I didn't know where, in a shirt that probably wouldn't be ironed, to impress a company I'd only heard about on Tuesday. After panicking a bit, a nice bowl of choc mint and proceeding to find that "Stranger than Fiction" is totally underrated - I realised that I actually had to get out of bed before lunch tomorrow, so should think about sleeping. I'd just about fallen asleep when I realised that I should probably check the time I needed to board a train and see if there were more shirts than the one in the in the back of my car under half a dozen Cold Rock containers. I found I needed to be at the station in roughly 8 hours and that there will a couple of shirts that were standing up by themselves so didn't need ironing. I then lay in my bed trying to remember anything I knew about computers.

Now, I have promised on the subject of fairness, that I do not discuss the questions of my interview, however I have not stated and will not state what company and recruitment agency I did this under, and will happily remove this post at the discretion of a representative of either party. But if you're looking for interview advice and found this blog, well, you're doing it wrong.

So at just before half past ten, after hoping that the Ferny Grove line did indeed run past South Brisbane station (In Brisbane, there are multiple trains that run "To the city" going South, 90% terminate at Roma Street, going North 90% terminate at Bowen Hills, I am near to Albion on the North side of the river, I need to get to South Brisbane one stop more South than Roma Street. You have no idea how hard they make it, I'm taking the bus more often.), I turned up for my 11am interview. After a thrilling 5 minute induction getting to learn what to do if an Anthrax scare occurs, I proceeded to take a seat and read through promotional materials. Pretend not too notice the man struggling with projector in the meeting room off the reception area. The interviewee appear, questioned my punctuality and told me to go get a coffee cause the meeting she was attending was likely to run over time. I decided juice would be better nothing to heavy, it was still very early by my internal clock and coffee is something I don't do in the morning, mornings are reserved for Red Bull. I sat for a good 20 minutes slowly watching people come and go, buying different drinks and elevenses, until I decided it should be a good time to head up, it was, as I arrived in the reception area for a second time, I got called in. This, was actually the calmest I think I've ever been before an interview, it was my first one in a long time, and although the prospects weren't looking good for many more, this I decided to take as an opportunity to get back into the groove on how to act during an interview, try to be honest. Try to be calm.

"Relax, we're very laid back here. Breathe out. Okay now, we haven't actually got your resume, in fact, we don't know anything past your first name and that you've had some background in IT. So, tell us about yourself and your background."

Okay, wow. I could tell them anything. I'm not sure what they want to hear. So I told them about Freo, about the Department, about uni. They were impressed

"And you're applying for a level one role?!" One of them admitted in disbelief. I have two smidges of IT experience on my resume and a degree. When people want experience, 18 months rarely cuts the mustard. Nor would a knife really, in fact that best way to split mustard would be.. I've gone off topic, where was I, oh yes. It's one thing to say that you've had a computer in your room from a young age, and that you are comfy infront of anything with a processor and some RAM and an an input device. It anything to present that like it would be useful in a job. When I haven't compiled my own Linux distribution or built water cooling into my system, I always find my technical skills are actually pretty mundane. So when questioned about my intentions, I state the obvious.

"My dream is to do administration, whether systems, network or database, and for that you need a lot of experience in support roles." They agreed with that. Then began the the "Interview" interview stuff.

"Name a time when you dealt with a difficult customer." The brilliant thing about customers when dealing with IT support, is there is a small group who are very unique. Rather than simply deciding to appear inept, they decide to get annoyed at their ineptitude - Now a lot of IT people hate this group. I say no, I say at one point, they actually found out that this question is given at all interviews of IT support and they think "Look, I don' want any poor young IT person o go in here with no examples, so if I do things like, being resistant to learning a new process, thinking my job is more important than there, thinking that the uptime of my equipment is he highest priority, then they'll have content for this question! And more the point, they have to think in new ways to convince me otherwise, allowing them to better develop communication skills. It's a win-win!" So I applaud these people, who out of the graciousness of their hearts be inventive with barriers to hinder my work so that I can I can gain better analytical skills. They are totally not arrogant douche bags trying to make up for the fact that someone is giving them a hard time so they have to give someone else a hard time to feel important and rekindle some self esteem.

So I give my default answer with a time when some new security permissions denied a client's ability to use a piece of scanning software and had to learn a new piece and for three hours had to tell them it's this piece of software or nothing and fantasised that with a three year old, if you ignore the tantrum or give them a smack they generally get over themselves, but anyway.

"Explain a time you missed a dead line." This actually stuns me a bit, I know it's a standard interview question, and I could have given examples from earlier this year, something in the back of my mind makes me release a different story about problems with imaging machines a couple of years ago, I barely remember the story, but for some reason, I use it as an example because I know it actually has a happish ending.

Some other Situation-Task-Altitude-Result questions. Then comes the bit I've been partially dreading, slightly excited about.

"I'd like to turn it over to the team leader for the IT questions."

"How do I renew my IP address?"

"Erm.." My voice had disappeared, I wasn't really sure what I was expecting to be asked, but now I had to use my words to somehow create a coherent set of instructions for an action which had made up 2/3rds of my degree. Seriously, if you can renew an IP you know enough information for the first 6 chapters of the very first CCNA book (There's four CCNA books, but still.)

"Go to Start, then run type cmd, a black window should appear, in the window type 'ipconfig (CRAP, is it a forward slash or a back slash... I wonder if she'd let me get away with just saying slash.) slash.release' a number of lines should scroll across the screen with a number of zeros, then type 'ipconfig slash revew' she smiles, nods in agreement and writes something down and reads out the next question.

"What's the difference between TCP and UDP?" This time, my mouth did decide to fall apart. "TCP packets um, every TCP.. segment, segment? Yes, segment has a reply packet attached, or rather, when it gets to it's destination an ACK packet is sent back."

"And in UDP?" "Oh sorry, in UDP there is no ACK packet, the host just keeps sending them. Low latency." (Oh god, why didn't I just define them, anyone who knows the initialism for UDP immediately gets high marks because it's such a stupid initialism.) I think they got the general gist. they knew I did know because they were willing to ask the follow up.

"Where would you see one opposed to the other?" You see UDP in VoIP communications because it needs to be as delay free as possible, and it's useless to get an older packet, cause then the words would be in the wrong order.

Okay, that last bit came out a bit of a mess, but I think I can recover.

"How do you tell the difference between a CAT5 and a CAT6 cable." Oh crap. I think back to a time when I had lots of network cables in a draw. There was a way to tell them apart? Really. Didn't I remember reading something there being different coloured wires inside the cables, or they cross over in different ways? Oh no, silence is too long, think about cat5 cable, think about a cat6 cable what is different... Gotta take a stab at something.. "Erm... The writing along the cable. There's some black text printed on it, part of it says what Cat cable it is." I look at them waiting for a reaction. I get one of great relief.

"YES!" one of them says "Sorry, it's a trick question, we've been doing this format of interview for a couple of years and no one has EVER got that right, you are the first person to get that right so well done."

I make a face that says "I thought that was common knowledge..." while my brain has a nerdgasm. You, my brain, are broken in all the right ways - you just bluffed your way out of a trick question by blind luck. You sir, are getting a milkshake and high five on the way home.

My confidence shot through the roof and I sware I could taste the dopamine in my mouth. There is nothing that could stop me.

"Give an example of a FQDN." You ever see one of those graphs of the value of stock market just before it crashes? Oh yeah. My mind came out blank, and with the Q in there nothing I could say could fix it. It vaguely stirs some memories of stuff I was doing with housemate, but I have no idea where it fits. I got lucky once, like a person who wins the lotto once never plays again (and normally wastes the winnings on poor investments.) I decided to be honest. "I have absolutely no idea. I could guess but it would be total BS." I admit, it sort of left my mouth before my brain had time to check over the wording of the sentence. I'm not sure whether it was of awkwardness or they found it generally funny. But I got a hearty laugh for a few seconds, and thought I deserved another chance.

"If I told you it stood for Fully Qualified Domain Name, would you know then?"

"Errr, no sorry." Again, flashes of research for housemate's network ran through my mind. "It's something like rapture.com" The irony of this it was my mind trying to make stuff up again. When I'd first experienced FQDN's, I though, no that's silly, why should every device on the network be called by a fully qualified domain name? a FQDN sounds like some sort of special name for the the domain, not a device on the domain, so I ignored it. And here it was, haunting itself again ,the fact that it is a name for a device connected on a dome, created by combining the device name and the domain name to reveal it's place in terms of the domain hierarchy. Well, now it's burned into my brain.

"What are computers, users and groups listed as in AD?"

Wait what? This is one of those times they wanted a specialist phrase, and with no professional experience in AD, the word would never pop into my mind, and after almost swearing, and giving a half hearted answer, I decided to can it. "Do you mean a hierarchy?" "Not so much how they are stored, what are they stored as." "I'm sorry I don't know the phrase you're trying to get me to say.." "Objects." Admittedly, I would of never said that.

There's some more light discussion about my previous work and the Interview wraps up. Both of them are very cheerful as I go. I walk out into the world not knowing about success in the position, but knowing I have made an effort for an interview. I contact the IT recruitment agency to have a free coffee and discussion about the interview I'm on one side of the city, she's on the other, so it's a bit of a trek. A bit of a trek which gives me time to think. Too much time.

Wait, I didn't really walk about how long I've been working with computers. About how I've been the go to guy for some time among family. The fact that I have had some AD experience with housemate, and again, in the Department, I didn't really highlight that I have had some Linux training, SQL work, network design, CCNP experience. I touched on a few things, but nothing very serious. Nothing about the fact I understand VPN's, ACL's and TLA's. And what about my technical questions? Maybe it's a good thing I didn't highlight any experience with AD, because it didn't come across. And I almost swore, sure they said relax, but I crossed a line, I admitted lack of knowledge. You... just don't do that.

By the time I arrive at the recruitment agency, I'm a bit of a wreck. The confidence is gone, my hunger is gone, my want to exceed has disappeared. I am ready to slink back into the hovel I call my rental property and disappear in a mess of chocolate wrappers and macaroni cheese.

It's an agonising wait, I call her to tell her I've arrived, she just needs to make a couple of phone calls, then the first grilling begins. I can't just post that I screwed up an interview on Facebook, I can tell each family member has plans to call me tonight to go over everything and start offering advice that I should smarten up a bit and take things a bit more seriously. After about ten minutes of waiting in a boring lobby, she walks with me and shouts me an iced coffee. I don't feel like it, it's just going to make me feel gross.

And then she says it "So, how do you think you went?"

I try to keep a flame of optimism alive "Okay I think, there were a couple of moments when I had to take some time to think through answers, and a couple of times I had trouble structuring what I was trying to say, but I think everything went okay."

"What about the technical questions?"

"I could answer or give explanations for most of them.. So I think okay."

some silence.

"You're quiet, did something go wrong?"

"I don't think anything went major wrong, unfortunately I've got to that point when I'm trying to remember just what I said."

Small laugh.

"Do you have any feedback or comments?"

"No, they were both very nice and friendly and I did eventually relax."

"That's good to hear. Anyway, I've just gotten off the phone with them and they'd like you to start Monday, if that's possible."

.
...
......
"What?"

"Monday, are you okay to start then?"

"Erm, pfff erg, erm... Z'Okay."

"Yes they were very impressed with you, especially your handling of the technical questions. So next question how much would you like to be paid?"

There's some money discussion which I won't bore you with here.

"Okay, now as I said before it is on contract, so the initial contract period goes to October, but it's all reliant on a HP deal going through, which isn't very likely, there's another meeting about it next week. Until that gets signed off, it's just rolling. The absolute earliest you'll finish is early next year. Okay, so, how are you feeling now?"

"Still a bit shocked actually."

"Okay well, again, congratulations, and I'll leave you to the rest of your day."

"Thank you... Very much, for everything."

"That's okay my pleasure, and I'll hopefully see you on Monday around 9 o'clock."

"Okay."

I briskly leave the cafe and quickly find a park bench to sit on to take everything in. On Monday, I didn't know what I was going to do, now on Friday, it's only just past lunch and I have a job. Hmmm... Lunch. I am starving. But before I consider where I'm going to go for my celebratory dish, I think back on what I just did. I convinced a recruiter with a quick resume and a cover letter which took me less than an hour that I was technically experienced. She lined up an interview, and with two people who had never heard of me before, I managed to make them believe I had confidence, charisma and technical knowledge. So that is how you get a job,

Like. A. Fucking. Boss.

She congratulates me one last time, wishes me well, then points me on my way. I down the rest of the ice coffee, throw the carton in the recycle (Cause I'm awesome like that.) and start to swagger, after all, I'm employed and I'm wearing a suit. I can do anything.

So how is it? I'm halfway through my second week, and it's GOOD. It's the exact support I can get my teeth into, problem solving always generates job satisfaction for me. Although many processes and ways of doing things are new, it's still a very rewarding experience, and I'm doing my best to pick things as quickly as possible, I want to show that I am an asset, so when my contract comes up for expiry they'll quietly move me into a permanent position - hopefully as a server goblin.

Positions sadly unavailable: IT Support Officer ( Level 1 &2) - Immediate Start!!

Actually, this is kind of a lie, they are still short staffed...

Places where she isn't: Wow, okay. I'm really not sure what to do with this section for the time being. Because yes, Stalkee #3 and me are still in... Whatever this is. Whatever it is when two people set aside an hour or more each day to keep each other amused.

Graffiti or the week:

"Yes, yes, I do."

Warning, tree occurring in road.

Until I get banned from the network, for accessing something I shouldn't, probably, goodbye.

What a difference a week makes...

2011-06-21T11:39:00.000+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

Any insults, defamatory remarks and anything else which you deem as "offensive" is not meant, is said because the writer wants to appear more arrogant and more self confident than he actually is. He's really a timid sheep that you should probably beat the crap out of. That does not mean he'll stop doing it, he's also a bit of an idiot and doesn't learn quick.

Anyway!

The week of the 30th of May, to the 3rd of June 2011 will be one that will be forever etched onto my memory not only was it the most insane week I've had in AGES, it was the week I made three changes which will affect my the rest of my life. Probably. Not content with simply making one life altering decision. I made THREE. Okay for some people this is probably not a big deal, and the decisions may appear very minor, but the fact is they will continue to slightly impact my life forever. So let's begin at Monday.

Now actually, before I begin. I want to actually expand on the fact that people who have started reading my blog have found it way too open and presents me as overly self-confident and arrogant. I will try to tone this down, it's not that I don't care, and I try not to go out of my way to be offensive, I just, like appearing as "this" to an online audience. I'm very sorry to anyone who doesn't like this. But it feels so good, to not just get this out of my system. But to actually have people read it, and in cases. Respond, react. I'm a shy person, this is a mask of someone I'd like to be more like and this is a way for others to see who I want to be, to see what's really going on inside my head. I feel fantastic knowing this is read by a small group of friends and others who want to know what's going on with me. Who can see a more honest vision of me, that you really only otherwise see when you get to know me, or in times of great anxiety.

I'm really not sure how I'd like to be, prefer to be need to be, I think a little more confident, willing to say those stupid things (One of the more recent times I did, I got threatened to be punched. It was along the lines of being disappointed at the number of dudes at the bar, but that doesn't mean the orgy still couldn't take place. Someone there obviously was as bad as picking up sarcasm as I was, or just didn't want to see another guy's genitals that night, thought that the quickest way for me to retract my comment would be to make me unable to speak. He was drunk I was a little bit tipsy, it was a disaster anyway. There was no one to talk to. Forget about it, it was silly, but I thought it could have started a discussion.)

Monday, you can fall apart.

I thought it was going to be a normal week. I thought that this meeting would just be a pretty ordinary meeting, talk about progress, look at some of my mapping. But, I got told that my progress, approach to my work and my communication skills were less than they were required to be.

Those of you who have read this blog, know that I have been unhappy with my job. And unfortunately, that hasn't been the boost I've needed to start enjoying it and really pushing myself to do well. Instead it has caused poor performance and me to go down a slippery slope into performing even worse and eventually this conversation. Then I got a bit of an ultimatum, start to perform or leave. Actually it was put much more eloquently than that, my boss and fellow co-workers were going out of their way to help me on either path I chose, and wanted me to give me the support I needed on whichever path I chose.

To be honest, it was always in the back of my mind. A tiny little voice saying "Why aren't you allowing yourself to be happy, face it, you can't do this job, you don't have the motivation to, why are you continuing to bother these people?" Why? Because I'd moved across the country. Because I'd caused I great inconvenience to a whole load of people around me. And I didn't want to disappoint them. Because I like to deny myself happiness. Why? Because happiness to me, currently, is doing as little as possible, no goals, no objectives, just, sitting. And that's currently not very mature and, every time I have indulged in it, not very satisfying. Which is where it gets complicated, I'm happy, but unfulfilled. I always thought they were one in the same but not.

I start thinking through everything. If I leave, I will be on the other side of the country to everyone I really know, I'll be in a city I don't really know. I could move back, but there are things I'd like to avoid back there. And there is more opportunity here. So I guess if I go through with this my choice would be, stay here and find another job.

I had actually made my choice then. I was going to leave, going to find another job somewhere else, some job that I could really get into, no matter how out of reach the requirements, I believed I could do anything and really push myself and enjoy myself in another position more closely aligned with what I wanted to be when I "grew up"

Full of moral support from those at work I went home full of self-confidence, ready to sort my life out. I will probably look back on "sorting my life out" at that particular moment with a great sense of enjoyment, because at that moment, sorting my life out boiled down to two things, one, doing the dishes from breakfast that morning, and two, sending an email that I had been holding of from doing.

For me, confessing my feelings to a member of opposite sex to begin a relationship had always boiled down to three elements:

1. Undo-able - As I believe would be the best option, I have always believed you should ask out people you've known for ages and have fallen for purely because you can tolerate them far beyond the fleeting moments you really spend with them. The problem being, if the future is not mutual, well, you sort of wish things could be back the way you are. So in those times when you screw up a friendship, you hope not to screw it up too bad. But, it you're good, normally you can only do a little bit of damage. When it fails, you want to know you can still talk to them.

2. Kill the "Right now" voice. The one thing I've never liked anyone to believe is the fact that I'm going after them for the rest of my life. I understand that if they don't like it, it would be very rare for anything to happen, so I like to flat out tell them. I may think of them that way, but don't interpret anything I'm doing as trying to win you back.

3. Still willing to go for the friends with benefits, cause hey, you never know.

While preparing for the worst is probably a very negative approach, I have been rejected a lot, so I just go with it, it hurts, but its one thing I'd really like to get right in my life, I'm willing to go through thousands of rejections if I get a yes that is worth it. So on Monday, I decided to ruin a relationship which I had believe gotten way too enjoyable to keep

I do admit, I had sent her a message a couple of weeks prior, and the lack of response meant that I would follow up with one shortly. I had never planned it to be a confession of the feelings which had developed, but I now had the opportunity to find out if there was something more there.

Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart

Well, what can I say, this went exactly as expected.

Oh yes. Sorry, sort of important point. This girl is from another country. I've never met her before. I've just talked with her a lot. She will be in Australia for a holiday next year, but... Opportunity presented itself, so, I went with it. I couldn't help myself. My only knowledge that this will not end like Catfish being the fact that I've talked to her on Skype. NO. Not telling you how Catfish ends. Ever talked to someone for a short time and felt you've known them for your whole life? No? Nor have I, but, she's... I can talk to her. Easily. About anything. Previous potential suitresses I have normally felt nervous breeching most topics, in this case, it's damn easy. Still have kerbed some of my more perverted thoughts, but any meme is discussable. And that's just huge. But anyway. I tried and it ended, so, yeah. Luckily, being the awesome female specimen that she is, she just said, "Can we just pretend this never happen, I still like to talk to you about stuff. And I'm still meeting you next year." Rejections still do hurt, but I know the pain goes away, another girl will come along. Things will work out. I'm still young. Meanwhile at work I had made my decision in my head, but was yet to vocalise it. So it was normal, but led to multiple discussions around my desk about where I wanted to be.

Like always, System Administration.

What amazed me is how many times I got reminded I was young. I had always believed 21 was this age where you weren't really allowed to make mistakes any more. I have since been informed you ARE allowed to make mistakes, you just have to LEARN from them. I'm doing my best to learn off this, but it's still hard to pick up the real lesson. "Being negative will result in your eventual downfall?" What ever it may be, I was told that if I think I can be happier somewhere else only I can make that choice, and more importantly, I've got to not care what anyone else thinks. I keep getting mixed messages, but the lesson that I have picked up? Adulthood is still all about faking that you know exactly what you are doing and appearing to do everything on purpose. So yes, I moved to Queensland for the better job selection, I believed the best way to do this was to have a group fund me doing this, of course I firmly believed I could fulfil the job requirements, unfortunately despite my best attempts, I found I was not ready for the more business orientated workplace environment.

Thursday doesn't even start...

Which is why on Thursday I got really annoyed with myself. That was the day I was actually suggested to make a decision. And when the time came. There was a pause, and then my head freaked out.

I still tried to convince my boss I could do better. As I was saying it, my head was going "What the heck is coming out of my mouth?!" Then I realised that there's still a large portion of my head that wants to be safe. Wants a daily nine to five, a steady pay check. It's the last strain of logic battered into me after seeing several people I know live like teenagers the rest of their lives. Sure enjoyable, but looked down upon, and although I don't like doing things to please others, it makes things easier in the long run. You can call favours with people who like you, and get invited to dinner parties and be more of a good guy. Now, this is probably the more mature me who I will get to know very well over the next few years. But, I like the me who takes risks, because I don't often have the guts to take a risk, sure I got a "No" on Wednesday, but at least it's out, we can return to awkward conversation, and it doesn't blurt out when we go out drinking, where she might say yes then REALLY regret it the next day. It sucks to get turned down, but the reward is so much greater. Sure I think about leaving here, yeah, I'd be unemployed for a while, things would be awkward a little bit. But the reward would be getting into a job, let's face it, that I'd be more qualified it, despite a possible cut in pay.

Luckily, my boss picked up my momentary grasp of logic and allowed me to revise my statement. So. The decision was made. I'm leaving. Was allowed to leave for the rest of that day, so took some time out to just kick back. Think about my next decision, so I'm unemployed, I do some quick job searches and quickly make my next big decision.

I'm staying in Queensland.

The job selection is much greater. Although I still don't have many ties here, again, it's that little adventurous voice in my head. I possibly want to move again in my life, to unfamiliar places, so should get used to being in this awkward position. So, leaving job. Staying in Queensland. Surely, this week can't get any more weird

Friday I'm...

Of course it can. Like my expenditures, life for me, happens all at once. Work was getting odd, mainly starting to do things to wrap things up, I hadn't yet had a leave date so I wasn't sure when I'd be gone. But when I checked Facebook during a morning break I made a horrifying discovery.

Okay, so she also said to wait a day, she might regret saying it. She may have only said it so she could get some sleep that night.

Saturday... Wait...

She didn't.

So now it's 17 days later.

I'm unemployed.
I'm in Brisbane.
I have a girlfriend who I get to have awkward phone calls with for at least six months before I get to be awkward to her in person.

I hope I haven't really hurt anyone with these decisions. But I'd like to tell those people, I am happy. I'm sorry I put my happiness first about something, but, seriously.

You're apologising for being happy?

This year didn't go the way it was supposed to, that's all. And my idea of happiness doesn't match a lot of other peoples' ideas of happiness. I don't know, I just feel someway guilty for enjoying myself.

You're not hurting anyone in the process are you?

Disappointing, maybe. Some words of advice I got told earlier this year were along the lines of putting aside happiness now, because you have to suffer now to be happy later, if you are reckless now, you'll pay for it later. People are just concerned for me now. Sure I might be singing "The Car Song" when they'd prefer me to be singing "Shop Vac"

So, what you are saying is, you are scared if you don't prioritise your own happiness now, you are scared that you'll never prioritise it, leaving you permanently unhappy, but tolerating it in the belief that you will be happy later. But, in the long run never actually finding happiness because you never put aside time for it?

Erm.... Okay. Actually I just think everybody should watch that sweet typography video. Seriously, so close to justifying getting After Effects to do stuff like that. Oh and something about not gunning down a shopping centre and myself in 20 years.

Weren't you telling me that this female wanted to settle down eventually?

Yes, but then it will be tolerable.

Why?

Because, I could be settling down with her. As I said before, currently, I can make her smile.

Wooh! You've been going out like less than two weeks..

-.- I SAID, I haven't met her yet, I have no idea if I can get her to smile like that. And more importantly, making her smile "like that" is pretty low on my list of priorities. I'm more interested in coming up with in jokes and continuing to make her feel good about herself. I mean, I could worship the ground she walks on, but apparently that just gets annoying, I just want to make sure she can continue tolerating me in return for killing some time with her.

So, you jumped on board with her because she's the first girl who looked at you and didn't throw up?

No!

If I recall correctly you have spent the last four years convincing me that you are the ultimate boyfriend, you doing a good job?

... I'm shitting myself. I'm trying my best.

Just be careful, I'm sure you are great if you continue to be yourself.

So, no sending her a picture of my junk?

Good luck with that... Well, can we at least get an introduction.

Okay.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Miss Stalkee #3's knee!

Could you have chosen a worse photo of me?

Probably not. But that's because there is no bad photo of you.

Aww how sweet, I think I'm getting a cavity.

Hey, why does she get the same font as me? It's because she's tangible, isn't it!

We'll sort this out later. So again, that was my week. Now I get to sort out new job applications and date nights\afternoons in multiple time zones.

The only thing really troubling me is the fact I speak in Times New Roman. Although can someone from the eighties explain to me what is so attractive about a woman having a midnight snack?

Graffiti of the week:

"John Roberts is famous to 1,539 people

"Only one is his mum. The rest are friends of his mum"

"Please DRIVE HOME SAFELY TO YOUR FAMILY" Technically a sign, but damn random.

"Sitting in this area PROHIBITED" Again, a sign, this time unreadable, but right in front of train tracks. Luckily you can stand there and take a picture of the sign if you want.

Jobs sadly available:

Diagram designer at unspecified work place. Good rates. No computer networking experience required.

Again, that's in jest.

Places where she is. Sixteen thousand, one hundred and forty kilometres, if anyone wanted a distance count. Approx. As the bird flies. Sixteen thousand, one hundred and forty two if I go to the city.

Which reminds me "As the bird flies" is a really bad idiom, birds don't fly in dead straight lines, and they take naps. Except for the Albatross, who can fly while asleep. Seriously, that's SO AWESOME.

"I'm... so tired... can't stay.. awake....
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

Holy crap I'm in Greenland!"

Until I get banned from the network, or find a new job, Good bye!

"Blob" design copyright Cindy Flowers

400 Days of Maturity

2011-05-24T19:14:00.000+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

This isn't a blog for uni. This is a serious work related document. You've got to write like what you are writing might get put in front of the commissioner.

This is a bit of an oxymoron in my opinion, I wouldn't mind the commissioner reading my blog or the document I've written. Even the planned "10 things I think females should know about semen before having sex." post. I'm not sure if the commissioner of my work is very impressed by semen based humour, particularly by one of their employee's, but the fact is, I'm totally unconcerned about him reading it, even with the spelling misteaks.

But I guess I get the point my boss is trying to make. I need to take work more seriously. Work is hard to take seriously when you've just spent the last 21 years taking nothing seriously, in fact, going out of your way to take nothing seriously. Sure it's occasionally caused some problem, but now, this is serious business.

This means making schedules, doing research and doing all the things that has made work dull and tedious.

You ever see one of those kids shows, and they have two actors, one stands out front the other peeps from behind a wall and all the kids scream "HE'S BEHIND YOU!" and then that guy hides again, and the first performer goes and looks and he's gone?

No? Well, anyway, that's how I feel at work, something is just there, everyone is screaming, "Do this and you'll be good!" but I just can't help being an idiot and turning at the wrong moment. by which point the possibility of doing something that will impress people has long since vanished, oh well.

So that afternoon I come home, feeling a bit down. In a "Why am I here kind of mood" that I go look at some stuff from when I was happy.

My mind immediately goes to my first posts that I really poured out way too much of myself into. I read through the three posts relating to my love of representation of romance in children's films. Ah how good it felt to vent that. But of course, I look it at now. I see really short posts, no flow of wording and just a generally terrible attempt at sharing ideas. I look at what I sent my boss to read over and it's the same. Disjointed text, no flow and a poor attempt at sharing ideas.

But while I continue to struggle to attempt proper rhetoric, I have noticed that some of the content of that post could use a little update. And, as just over 400 days has passed I thought maybe my thoughts and opinions of these films would have matured likewise. That hasn't happened, but I think there does need to be some things mentioned that have happened in the meantime.

Wall-E. I'm still way too similar to this entity. I still watch this movie on average every 6 to 8 weeks, and it was only recently I got reminded that waiting for a woman to alter her opinion based on the way I treat her while she is sleeping is not so great, especially if you get your junk trapped in hers.

Happy Feet. While I am sad that Ms Murphy did decide to top herself and Pink probably won't be a perfect replacement, "Raise your flippers" might be quite catchy. Hopefully the new voice will ad some more energy to the character. I mean, that part at the end where she's like

"I guess I never heard the right song."

And the first response he can think of is "That's great." and she just doesn't bitchslap him right there saying "It's not like I didn't hear some nice ones, I could of had anybody here. It's not like I spent the last umpteen summers sitting on some lonely glacier somewhere watching the horizon waiting for you to see your body swimming toward me, I was listening to every Thomas, Richard and Henry out there. Even some Harriets occasionally. I'd eaten some odd fish that day or something. Hell, one night I even found Ramon was disproportional, not enough evidently, but you catch my drift. And then one day after hanging out with the new borns (As I said before, desperate.), I heard a song so wrong I had to help, because if I heard one more off key note, I would of probably given him to a whale because it reminded me too much of someone else who couldn't sing. So I got into Blues, and had to teach lots of other lonely try hard how to impress ladies with songs of being lost without that special someone. And then a few turns of the earth later you sidle up here, and you expect me to still want you, and you expect me to believe you'll never look at any one else, or ever be one more inch further than 70 miles away from you, because if you ever look at any one else, or if you ever go an inch further away, or spend one second of the moments we're together without your fins wrapped around mine, I don't think I could handle it this time.."

Again, the being desperate and waiting for her to come around apparently works perfectly in movies, but in real life a bit more of a challenge.

Which bring us onto the third film I chose to talk about that evening. Sigh.

Arthur and the Minimoys, was, I thought, going to be a nice trilogy, poor reviews, not really heard of, but would be special, just a "for me" kind of thing, but anyone I showed it to would more or less enjoy it.

Unfortunately, it did all go downhill in the second and third movies. Selena Gomez, despite her similar name to the female protagonist, could not fill the shoes of Madonna, and made her extremely childish. The writer really did get sloppy with the relationship between her and Arthur, the third one having her again trying to pull the sword from the stone, even though she tied doing this for several minutes during the first one, and replaced it back in the stone, PURELY for Arthur's return, but this all seems to have been forgotten and the only illusion towards Arthur and Selenia being a couple is reflected in a train scene where they end up ontop of one another. Several times. Sure it's no "Happy Feet" 'slippery ice' scene, but I'm not actually annoyed at this scene as that it's not risque enough, I'm annoyed because it's the only scene in the third film where Selenia isn't complaining, she knows Arthur will pull through, yet, seems to have short term memory loss cause all the lust, which was pretty much all she was showing in the second film, is gone. And here's me thinking, it's just going to end with Selenia joining the human racce, no, she's going to stay a minimoy, Arthur stays a human and we're back to where we were at the end of the first film, except for a city partially burnt down. Oh and a broken telescope, so you know, Arthur is going to have to have some difficulties if he's ever going to make it back to the Minimoys.

You know how most series get more mature with each film, this goes backwards, seriously.

There's something else, isn't there?

Hmm?

I mean, why are you bringing up a post from 400 days ago, what's so special about that?

Cause it's been four hundred days, yay!

So every four hundred days you're just going to patch together old jokes?

No, it's just I don't really want to.. Nevermind.

Go on, I think we're about to have a break through.

It's just. Back then I didn't have to grow up yet.

Here we go! What do you mean, child, what's stressing you out now, I mean, it can't be just work, can it?

I thought it was getting better. But it isn't. I still do repeated "Learning Opportunities"

And what's wrong with making the same mistake over and over again? Apart from the fact that primates don't even do that.

That's just the thing, I'M AN IDIOT. I'm not a suitable candidate for this roll, this roll, calls for someone mature and logical and able to follow a schedule. I can't even ever follow my own schedule.

Look, if you feel that you're that bad at the job, leave.

I can't, it would terrible on my resume, I probably wouldn't be able to secure another well paying job.

So give them what they want, become an ideal corporate citizen.

I'm trying but it's hard when you just want to do things your own way.

Aren't you moving onto your next rotation soon?

Yes, well, hopefully, and I don't know, maybe that one won't be any better. I've still got to manage to finnish this project in my current rotation, which I'm still not sure I'm good enough for.

It's getting done, isn't it?

Yes, but what if the next rotation I don't go so well, I'm going get put on many projects that may not work out, that I can't can't handle, this is going to end badly...

What you need, is somewhere to vent these anxieties, sometime after work.

After work, I'm exhausted, I have nothing to come home to but my own mess, my own energy to make some tea and get ready for the next day, and find some time to sleep.

Take some time off!

I can't, project is running to a tight schedule. And any time I have off, all I am doing is being constantly reminded that it's going to end and I'm going to have to go back to work.

All of us go through that. Geez, I didn't want to do this. When you meet Stalkee #n, she is going to expect a person who is logically put together, able to balance work and life, willing to put in a 40 hour work week at some high paying job that is very difficult, which make you able to afford any compensating item she desires. You are suppose to take her on trips for a few weeks to lovely places in in Europe, America and New Zealand. You are suppose to move back to Perth, raise a family of a couple of children, in a beautiful 2 by 4 on some street within walking distance to local schools, parks and shops.

No. You know as well as I do, she wouldn't like that. I'm not even mature enough to know exactly what I want, I know it isn't this, I know it isn't coming home to an empty house, not knowing how to properly ballroom dance, knowing that I have to wake up at the same time every day, knowing pretty much what today has instore for me. It's hard to say, but I'm probably still not the person she falls for. I'm still too desperate for her. Maybe there is a place for me there, but I wanna be weird, I want to do things in ways that confuse people. I want to be respected, head hunted even, for my crazy way of doing things.

First, you've got to conform, work your way your way up.

This is the first time, I've ever been really restricted with how I work, and it feels so wrong, so wasted. And I feel like a part of me is wanting me to fail, and that feels even worse. I don't know who or what broke me, but I don't want to be fixed. And everybody wants me to be fixed. It reminds me of a story I once heard that the original host of Blue's Clue's was once asked "Could you please not look like you, tomorrow?" but I also once heard that he died of a heroin overdose, so I don't know what to believe.

The point is I currently have nothing to look forward to right now, Work is not so great, home life is kinda lonely, and I've got nothing to come home to, except for a few friends kilometres away and a family falling to pieces. Well, partially. I mean, if there was just a crutch that I could lean on, something positive somewhere.

So are you going to try make something better?

Yeah, but it's difficult to just say, this week, I'm going to find some friends! Or, this week Stalkee #n is going to find me! Stalkee #n, who's so relaxed and at ease where ever she is, has managed to stay so relaxed that she hasn't found me yet. It's not as though I've given her much opportunity. Not as though I can realistically expect her to pick the right building and floor in Brisbane and whisk me off to some special ten minute happy place. Perhaps she should try to meet me on the train. An afternoon would be preferable. Her best chance would be the eight-minute ride between Central and home, so she'll have to be a fast worker..

It is incredible how much effort you went to in order to include that "48 Shades of Brown" quote

Yeah, it really annoys me that I only rediscovered it a couple of nights ago, otherwise I would of attached it to every blog post.

Please don't attach it to every blog post, it's funny coming from a 17 year old, from a 21 year old it's just creepy. Wait, you changed it to "ten-minute" in the book it's two, why do you think you can..

Okay, well anyway, the point I was trying to make is, yes I can make all the effort I want to try and get something to come home to, but in the end, I just wait for things to fall into place.

So that's it. In 400 days you've learnt you're not as mature as you thought you were and now your not happy but for different reasons that you weren't happy 400 days ago.

That pretty much sums it up.

But you have learnt something. You know what makes you happy. And that's massive, not many people do that in their entire lifetime and you've worked it out by 21. And the best moments of your life haven't happened yet, so why can't you look forward to that?

Wait, what makes me happy? OH THAT. Oh yes. But I am slightly sick of looking forward, so I'll move on now to things I have seen

Graffiti of the week:

This actually has appeared on a number of sites, but I can be proud and say, I noticed it and took a photo.

I'm not sure how they got the whole band inside a box.

"No Diving, there is no lifeguard."

Good night!

Ignorance and Apathy Part Two

2011-05-10T23:42:00.001+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

THIS is a placeholder. You see, I spent 6 hours on Sunday, pooring my heart out about how poor the last few weeks have gone, and then I read it, and as much I like spilling out everything on this blog, that post will be reserved for a psychiatrist and my biographer. So, rather than depressing you with the details of:

My parents
The really awkward weekend with my sister and brother in law
The mess that my room and office is in
The awkward upcoming weeks with my parents
The unfulfilling aspects of my work (Although it has slowly been getting better.)
The patch of carpet I've destroyed
How mouldy cheese can get
That time a few weeks ago I almost became victim of a one punch kill after making a suggestion about an orgy
The actually quite nice drunk people I've become best friends with for a night
That time I thought a girl was flirting with me, and it actually just turns out she knew me from work, (She can actually technically fire me, (Despite her friend saying "Whatever happens on the piss, stays on the piss." No it doesn't, it goes on Facebook.) so not going anywhere near that.)
That time I had a flat battery
That time, after being jump started by the RACQ guy that then stalled his car, locking my car in my garage, to run for about half an hour to recharge the battery, I was like 10 seconds from opening the door again, then I was like, wait, people KILL themselves that way... So having a garage that smelled like carbon monoxide for three days after
What it's like to try and have a conversation about work while getting a lap dance
That Swedish backpackers suck at Trivial Pursuit
How to almost catch fire to a cupboard with a dodgey toaster and a pop tart
That the word "Bubbler" is actually used to mean drinking fountain, I thought this was actually a joke done by Eastern States people to the rest of the world, but they ACTUALLY SAY IT.
That time in the movie theatre that I had 10 year olds almost wet themselves when they found out there's a new Winnie the Pooh movie. (Yes, good books ARE still read to youngsters.)
What it's like to get a free copy of Portal 2, then to get it signed by Ben "Yahtzee" Crosshaw
SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
What it's like to attend a model train expo
What it's like to meet your neighbours wearing no pants
I need to bring some washing in
That I'm going to have a statue of a naked, pregnant 8 year old on my desk in a few weeks. Seriously, I don't know where the hell I'm going to put it. It is only short, but still awkward. And it glows in the dark. And going to be next to a statue of Duke Nukem.
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mt. Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.

God, life is so dull and boring right now. To make up for this, I propose a post "400 Days of Maturity." Which I really am putting a lot of effort into, put not revealing to much of other people's lives. This will go up HOPEFULLY on the 23rd of May. In the mean time...

Graffiti of the Week

Praise

The timeless Being

With your dick

Speaking of timeless beings, only 200 more seasons of Dr. Who :'(

Okay, this isn't graffiti, but I see it on the way to work and I just think it's hilarious, I mean, there's a beauty spa, willing to give you, well, okay I guess there'd be a limit of one per day. But that's still up to 31 facials. I mean that's a lot of face cream. I haven't enquired about a price for this service, but for someone to use that much face cream must be pretty expensive.

I'm actually not trying to make this a semen-related joke, that's just a serious amount of face time.

Positions sadly unavailable

Someone to tidy my place. The kitchen, bathroom and lounge room look lovely, but the study and my room.. Well, it looks like I live there.

That positions actually still avalible, but the second someone picks up the 5th bundle of tissues they get suspicious. I have had a TERRIBLE cold, I'm dead serious, I've got the vit C in my bag to prove it.

Places where she isn't

She doesn't go to RG's, or if she does, she makes one of those "I am unapproachable faces." or travels with friends. Females with more than two friends fall into this zone of "wanting to have a fun night" by themselves. Thing that annoys me about girls going out in groups is REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED and that apparently makes ever guy an REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED but secretly, that means she REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTEDa whipping boy REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED and she'd probably go into some guys van if they asked her to hop in REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTEDbut of course that reservedness just means she's the only sane one there. And as long as she's with those "friends" she probably won't get to talk with the guy who would REDACTED her like she needs it.

Until I get banned from the network, for posting actual content, goodbye.

First Inmates, awkward moments and the (un)happiest day of your life

2011-04-16T14:40:00.003+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

First it was like "See you in April." Then it was "See you in a month's time." Then "See you in two weeks" Now it's "see you on Thursday."

A few days and I'll be showing off the fact that I have a place. And that all the mess I have was created by me. Okay, while I admit that's impressive in a bad way, it's not so bad, cause we're hardly going to be here, although where they're planning to sleep currently has a shirt and some newspapers on it, but that can be moved onto the pile of other shirts and newspapers on the other side of the room.

Although it does bring up an interesting point - complacency. How often have you gone to another town, city or country and gone WOW, look at all that stuff! Random large fibreglass objects! Beaches! Buildings! But how often do you look around where you live and go "It's just a big pineapple, yeah, you can go inside, but it's not that interesting." "Yeah, there's a large bank shaped by years of tidal movements and wind has formed dunes pressured into landmasses." "Yeah, an architecture firm has decided that residential accommodation and commercial space so has achieved approval by a local council to build a structure to accommodate aforementioned people or businesses."

But when you're seeing it for the first time, all the mundaneness disappears, every tiny thing is interesting, especially if it's different to what you're used to. Different shops, different expectations different weather, it's all damn interesting. When I was in Melbourne a while ago, or even when I went to Canberra, my sister did mention this, seeing me excited about experience stuff that was foreign to me but dull to her did give her a bit of a kick. Seriously, how uninventive is the name "Canberra MILK." "Oh, I wonder where I brought this drink and what it is? OH It's right there on the label, What's inside, OH that's on there too."

However, this does mean learning to be a host. I've barely act mature enough at work. And now I have to act like I know how to drive around Brisbane, know my way around the city (Getting there, or at least, the little part I am in most of the time.), know what lane I need to be in not to end up on a toll road or heading in the wrong direction (TomTom for some reason feel it necessary to remove to image of what lane you need to be in 100 metres before you need to turn, also removing for the display the current speed limit for the road you are on, but choose to keep the ETA, come on guys, do some user testing of people who don't know the area they're driving around. And add better descriptors when you need to do a series of turns in a short distance. Oh funny thing, driving out to out to Botanical Gardens (Which I will talk about shortly.) There's huge changes going on with adding in new major roads to Ipswitch, there's electronic signs which actually have "Ignore G.P.S." Now, I though this was common sense, the second I see roadworks, I follow the roadworks, but I mean, I do see their point, it's just interesting to see that they think it so important that they must put it on a sign. Must be a Queensland thing.).

And then it comes to showing off my actual place and that's where things go really wrong. I don't actually like to live in a mess, I just will admit that I have a "male mind" that is easily distracted and can't really control a list of tasks I want to complete. So when I remember something I need to do, I feel obliged to do it then and there to make sure it gets done. Dropping whatever I am doing. (Hey, I've only ever broken one plat doing this, I have since switched to, "safely putting down whatever I am holding.) and going and doing that task. Hence, there is "Put down" stuff everywhere. But during this week I have made an effort, surprisingly a couple of nights I have just walked in door, put my bag down, and started moving things, wiping stuff down, it's all gotten quite exciting.

Now I'm going to take a brief moment to shout out the blog I stole this from (My Paint skills are not that good.) It's pretty much like this blog. If the posts were shorter. And written by a female. And more interesting. And had readers. And not so try hard. And had more interesting stories. But you know the Internet, a constant stream of inside jokes, poor spelling and people who are better than you.

The closest thing I can relate it to really is if Gir wrote a blog. If you know who I'm talking about, give yourself a cupcake. And then morn a bit. Then celebrate because you know probably the best, most messed up (In a good way.), kids show in existence that deserves 12 more seasons. One of the best episodes being a kids watching an alien eat waffles.

On the plus side I have found a bar where you can easily talk next to anyone sitting beside you, as long as you can put up with cigarette smoke. Maybe it's just me, but smoking appears to be a lot bigger in Brisbane than it was in Perth, sure you'd see a small collection of people smoking outside of a pub or club awkwardly standing next to each other. I mean, I thought people used it as a conversation piece. "You like nicotine? I also like nicotine!" But in Brisbane, alcohol rules are a lot different, there doesn't need to be as much of a border between a place you can drink alcohol and a public walkway, so there are lots of pubs in the centre of malls (Malls as in, streets which are closed off to cars.) And at these places, as they are not indoors, you can smoke there, hence smoking and drinking outdoors is a lot more common than Perth, were such a thing is actually a crime. But smoking itself just appears to be accepted a lot more, in Perth, I remember smokers getting evil looks a lot here it's just a thing to do, so unfortunately to go to this nice outdoor pub, you need to tolerate that, and you should bring a lighter. I mean, that's one of the starting conversations is "Do you have a lighter?" I think people do this intentionally to start conversation, although luckily for me my quick thinking has enabled me to still start a conversation without a lighter. (Random turns to me.) "Do you have a lighter?" "No, sorry I'm trying to cut back." "Oh really? How's that going?" "Erm.. Pretty good, actually, I was only really a social smoker, but a few months back a realised I was starting to smoke every other day, so I decided that I should just quit, so I'm back to really smoking every couple of weeks so that good. But anyway, I'm Lachlan"

Sometimes if you're lucky, the person you are talking to has also tried to quit some time in their life, and understands "what you are going through" and tries to help by not blowing smoke directly in you face, or even putting their cigarettes away, which is nice. The most recent time I tried to smoke was at a get together with mates from work

You see to the left of the pack, the three centimetres of cigar that's not there? ALL ME. Awww Yeah. Couldn't even keep the darn thing lit. I blame it on the fact that I wasn't wearing a smoking jacket and monocle or in a large chair discussing stocks.

Any frequent reader of mine, knows that there's some statements that you really only hear in movies or TV shows that I'd like to utter at least once in my lifetime. Stuff like "But my night was only just beginning." or "And that's when it happened." or even "The carcass of the building fell in beautiful blaze of flame and glory, we could hear the air raid sirens going off in the distance, the far off screaming of children awoken by the catastrophe and the endless slicing of air made by the planes above and in that moment, amongst the chaos, she looked deep into my eyes then closed them and kissed me deeply and passionately, for what we had achieved." and of course "Drinks are on me!"

There are however phrases I've never wanted to say, and unfortunately, one of them has come up twice in the last few weeks.

"I'll tell you about it later."

I heard this phrase a lot during high school, or hanging out with friends. The first thing I noticed about the phrase, it was uttered usually by females, but always when I was hanging out with people I didn't know particularly well.I always heard it as "Something happened or I know something that I'm embarrassed to talk about so I'll only talk about it with really close friends because I'm scared the people here will judge me." Why do I read it like that? Because that what I mean when I say it.

If it can come up in conversation, I will happily talk about the time I ran through my primary school naked (Which I have previously talked about in this or my previous blog.), I will happily talk about nocturnal emissions (This one I'm a little bit hesitate about, but only because I think that it should be talked about in an impartial way, what happened in the dream is something that is personal to you, it shouldn't define your personality. Too many times I talk about this, and people begin to joke around with the topic and then when I start actually talking about it seriously, even philosophically or or in terms of brain chemistry they go "Ew! That's gross! I didn't want to hear that." And then once your sixteen, it's a dead topic. Look, blame the dry spell or whatever, sex is something that I like to vent about, because it's interesting and I'm not really allowed to talk about work in this blog. Am I pervert? Sort of, but I only know a few people that loneliness effects them as much as me, and I just think if I did, than possibly I'd be able to handle it better than I do and you'd get less crap in this blog.) I will even talk about features of my body, needing to go do some basic English classes in year 11 and 12 (You wouldn't believe it, but they have helped.), the way I totally screwed up year 8 Social Studies and the daunting feeling of going from the top of class in year 7, to being the runt in an advanced learning program, which totally killed my self esteem and brought all sorts of loathing and self doubt. The times when I was totally douchey and arrogant for 4 years to one of the people who is now one of my best friends. The time in year 10 when I had to admit to a teacher that I didn't know how to ride a bike. The 3 times I've gotten caught looking at porn (Twice when I was fourteen, once when I was 17. I don't know why looking at porn is legal AFTER you can legally have sex. To me, this should be the other way round, you should be able to look at a non-judging female naked and retain your composure before being able to see on in the flesh who will judge you. I think this was perfectly summed up when a female friend asked me "I personally don't get porn, you want to get off, so your going to look at other people having sex?" and I replied "Seriously, when you have no opportunities yourself this is the closest you can get, so it's enjoyable in a very disgusting warped way. If you don't get why people look at porn, I don't think you ever will, it's a kind of personal thing.") But seriously THREE times? I call that very impressive, seeing all the opportunities I sort of gave people to bust me.

But a couple of experiences I've had, had just left me feeling drained emotionally, if it wasn't for some very nice people handling some late phone calls last night I think I would have felt so gross I might have drunk myself into a stupor or threw up. I mean, they're stupid, and I know a lot of people, if they heard them, would say "How the hell did that effect you like that?" (Effect? Affect? Crap. Those English lessons never taught me the difference. I know Effect is the verb and affect is the noun, but I still use the wrong one.) but they did, I'd just like to thank those that I talked to last night. Ironically, I think if they happened with those people I don't think I would of felt gross at all. But you get that.

So I'll tell you later. If you promise not to judge me, you know I'm a okay guy. Opportunities just present themselves.

After an overly long absence:
Graffiti of the Week!!!!!!

Reasons #306 to go to the Mana Bar, cool people go there, as in TALENTED bored people go there, how is this place not a landmark yet?!

It is dangerous to be inside this lift alone at my work, here, take this.

This was at a planetarium in Indooroopilly. I hate to tell him but an air vent is not in space.

Positions sadly unavailable:

Room mate: Space for two people to spend Easter with lonely male, non-smoker (He's giving up.). Accommodation provided on sofa bed. Food will be provided if they identify something they want to eat, and perhaps if they buy the tickets they can out to Warner Brothers Movie World and he will shout them lunch. Maybe even go to Sea World, if they don't mind looking at penguins.

Pen Pal: Person outside of Australia to frequently communicate with bored person in Queensland. Must be able to brighten mood, recite meme's, post extremely long messages, not mind delays in replies and (if female.) being constantly complimented and occasionally creeped out (In these cases, she may prove that she is out of his league by winning QWOP, or simply one-uping his stories.). Must know lots of crazy stories and win a car before realising it's really silly to own a car in Amsterdam.

Places where she isn't:

Kholo Botanical Gardens. I have NO IDEA how to pronounce Kholo, all I know is it's quite a nice place. It has a large green grassed area and pretty much is in the middle of nowhere. (I.e. about 7 kilometres from Ipswitch.) with a few Barbecues, a small church and a toilet block. Well, okay it's a toilet block and something else, but seriously, looks nice from the outside.

That's it on the right.

The interesting thing is Kholo got flooded. Well, okay Toowoomba got flooded, but the flood waters came through here. So as a result, there was point where the nice calm stream here was a raging torrent and was extremely high. As a result, water banks, are washed out, man made paths and stairs are in poor shape, and at one point, there's this random bench just sitting there. Okay, so maybe all these areas happened to be fenced off. Where you can see water has brought up car tires, buckets, rubbish and a couple of thongs (Feet kind, and strangely, not a pair. Just two odd thongs.) But maybe you can easily get around these fences and see just how high the water level got with the fact that all the trees are bare for the first 5 metres of trunk. You wonder how all that water actually fitted cause the stream is about 8 centimetres across. I would of stayed longer and took a few more pictures but the ground got really muddy, and then, while walking through some bushes, wait, animals and insects come up into places like this shrubbery to get away from water. You know what, I don't want a brown snake story just yet. So, I.. may have ran like a little scared bitch.

Straight back to the grassed area to find that it had been set up (In the space of twenty minutes.) for a wedding. For being one of those guys who falls in love way to easily, is willing to drop everything to run and comfort a women, is just wanting to spend every night for the rest of my life embraced in the arms of other, forgetting the world and all its problems, living purely for that single moment... Weddings piss the fuck out of me.

Weddings are meant to be a day for two people to really show that they are so into each other that no one else really matters to them. once meaning, you like this person so much, this is the only person you ever will/want to experience sex with. (In one community, the couple could not have sex until their second anniversary. TWO YEARS. Now that's dedication, which is sort of how I see romance, and sort of not. To me romance can also be the other way, when you are so into a person, they make you scream "SCREW PROTOCOL." And I mean that's the thing, when the civilisation I have been brought up actively encourages that couples physically bond and sometimes even live together before marriage, the wedding itself has a different meaning. It's like "I want this to continue." Not so much a change in the relation, not a change in what you mean to each other, maybe not even a change in life style. Probably not even a change in name. To be really honest, an "I'm not bored yet, and I hope I never will be." I've gotten sick of hearing stories about people expecting the relationship to evolve in marriage. Statistically speaking, there is probably someone better for you, statistically speaking, you will have disagreements, there is going to be a fuckton of compromise. As someone once said "Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly, it is entered because someone has screwed up your life perfectly." I'm paraphrasing, but the point is marriage is the big thing not the Wedding.

To skip the next paragraph, read this comic. Then click this link.

"The happiest day of your life" who came up with that bull crap. I haven't had a happiest entire day, I've had some fantastic moments. Some moments which I thought would be fantastic but were just mundane because I built up the emotion too much. And I think the "wedding day" is one of them. And even if you say it's the "Best day in the whole relationship" that's wrong too. The best day is 33 years 7 months and 12 days from now where he randomly buys her flowers when she's going through a bit of a tough time and he's been taking her for granted a bit. and it's matched with 17 other as equally romantic moments, because there shouldn't be a single best. And it's not completely all the best, cause some of it won't be, but those moments which were truly great were totally out of the blue and when no one else was around. I'm one of those guys that wants a simple wedding, a couple of people there who are special to us. Maybe a couple of ex-stalkee's to show that I'm not interested any more. The way I see it, if the tradition is that the father of the bride pays for the wedding. Then I don't really want to inconvenience him, as long as he doesn't think I'm too perverted for his daughter and he understands and has faith in me that I'll treat her right, the rest is extra. Okay, even if he does hate me, I don't care, there will be enough stupid posts on Facebook, and weird tribute videos, and random drives through the night (and if all goes well, even a flash mob.) to hopefully make up for that and show him I am completely, totally, and super cereal about treating his little girl right.

Anyway, enough Vasopressin.

As all this raced through my mind as I stood away from the crowd. Wondering if I should have a nice sit on the grass sit back and watch. In previous weeks drives have lead me to Kangaroo point, a really nice cliff face in the city (Yeah, just follow the river around, and all of a sudden, buildings, building buildings, CLIFF! Due to the nice sunset shinning on this rock face, the nice city views from standing at the top, driving round there Saturday evenings you will see a variety of weddings and photographers. By which point both the bride and groom have had enough and the wedding photographer is going through the motions. "Hold each other's hands, bigger smile, close your eyes, look into each other's eyes, rest you head on his shoulder, rest your head on her shoulder, surprise butt secs." I feel it a duty that someone needs to re-energrise them, they've probably got a reception to go to where they are expected to dance eat food, listen to speeches and probably have to stay awake till midnight. Before the male, for what maybe the only time in his life says "Yeah, I'm too tired." and she's like "Thank god, especially after hearing about what you did with your mates back in high school." "Hey that was one time." "No, that's seriously gross, I can't believe you didn't tell me that story." "Okay, we didn't know they were underage." "Oh, sure make excuses, that doesn't justify the fact that you are a sick strange man, who I now have to spend the rest of my life with." "OH YEAH, well that doesn't make up for that time time you kissed one them while you were drunk." "EXCUSE ME? Are you comparing an illegal act with once mistaking one of your friends for you at a club?" "He was blonde! Does this hair look blonde for you." "FINE. I may have thought he was attractive at one point in my life, yes." "Oh SO YOU ADMIT IT, YOU LITTLE MINX." "Screw you, I'm going and getting a drink" The male stands for several seconds then turns to her and says "Hey.. Did we just have our first fight as husband and wife." "Oh my god, we totally did, that was awesome!" "Hey you wanna sleep with your perverted husband for the first time." "I think I can get used to that."

So when I see these tired couples, I have the habit of rolling down my window and screaming "CONGRATULATIONS!" like a drunken idiot, because I think what they need is a random to identify the fact that the world now views them as a couple. That they now appear on a database somewhere with a shared primary key. And that's a hell of a bond to have.

OH GOD DAMMIT, I have written everything I can think of about weddings and the bride still hasn't shown up for this one, I don't care about the bridesmaids anymore, I'm bailing. And of course, the limo shows up, but by that time, I'm not sitting through a bloody wedding without someone to make rude comments too. And who should I almost hit coming out of the parking lot? Nevermind. The fact is, bride arrived in a limo, groom arrived in this

Classy.

The fact is Kholo park is a nice place to spend a little while surrounded by sounds of nature, maybe a nice place to have a wedding if you're into that kind of thing.

I think that's it. So until I get banned from the network, Good bye.

I'm having an adventure!

2011-03-28T00:26:00.000+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

People have told me, set a task for yourself each weekend. Something you should do. Something to look forward to. It's only recently that I've really been able to grasp this concept. Attempting to take advantage of 48 hour periods is hard work, when you're trying to use it to recover from the week. The problem is, if you do nothing but sit down on a weekend, it doesn't actually give you a sense of being "rested" on Monday, more a sense of regret. As a result, I'm endeavouring to get out of my box and do things, not only to have human contact, with the social situations and pathogens that entails, but also mainly to stretch my spontaneity.

In case you haven't picked it up already, I cherish the art to something without thinking it through. Well, okay, thinking it through but extremely quickly. I believe I've got the "Make a quick action" down pat. Changing lanes, going to catch something, breaking out the wallet. That's all good. The thinking bit just needs some tuning now. Generally it's about 3 seconds after I've made the action when I realise if I've just made a mistake. Approximately enough time for an EFTPoS transaction to go through.

But this regret is good. It means I've done something, or something interesting is about to happen. This Cracked article pretty much sums up what I was talking about a few weeks ago about fear of growing up. Number 3 and number 2 have really hit me hard. So I've been wasting Saturday and Sunday doing tourist things. And wishing like hell that when I call someone up to talk about it, I can use the phrase "But my night, was only just beginning." But seeing the only night, which could of possibly got to that point was a weeknight, and I didn't really want to call some leave getting over it. Speaking of work, I may have intentionally given out my blog addresses after bringing up my blog in a newsletter talking about me as a new graduate. As due to editting out something inappropriate, the line came out as "In my spare time I work on a blog." Like that's the only thing I do. I update my Facebook status as well, excuse me. I also realise my only other mention of work was that people at work totally ignored me after my birthday. I want to HUGELY take that back. Since then, I have been talked to daily about random stuff at even feel like part of the team at meetings. Okay, still feeling a bit out of my depth, but part of team enough so that I can pretend that I can act like I know what I'm doing.
(I will take this chance to say that this comment cannot be legally used in my performance review.)

Enough about work. It's kind of odd, cause I know I shouldn't talk about it at all, but, you know it takes up a substantial part of my life, so I cannot guarantee that it will not crop up in future, however, all names will of course be omitted and nothing directly will be said. Well, unless it's out of the ordinary and slightly interesting

Cause that's the thing. I was only grasping slightly mid last year that from June to August will be my last break that long, possibly ever until retirement. Which might NEVER HAPPEN. Or is going to be about 2 of my LIFETIME'S away. That's not a great feeling. Sure there will be breaks, and holidays, but probably nothing too big.

So from every Friday at around 5 I have just over 48 hours to pretend Monday doesn't exist. Pretty much every blog from now until the foreseeable future is look like it's going to be bitching about that, so that's slightly unfortunate for you. To attempt to change that, I have been getting in the car on a Saturday morning completing a selection of random tasks (Which have ranged from "Find a way to get the smell out of the sink." to "Post birthday present for sister" to "testing the load baring on my balcony railing for appropriate zombie apocalypse weapon." Oh and washing up any left over dishes, do some minor cleaning, rearranging bookcase,doing some laundry. As much as I don't think those jobs need doing yet, some visitors in a few weeks might think otherwise.) at about lunch time, it's jump in the car, and flick through "Tourist Attraction POI's click one that sounds good. And hope the tank is still where it was when you were last in the car several days ago. Get the music pumping and out onto the open road! (Filled with other cars trucks and buses.) I'm twenty metres away from a road that goes to the sunshine coast in one direction and to the gold coast in another. Initially, my first couple of trips were just to city things, South Bank, museums, art galleries. But my last two trips have been going each way on that road.

I decided when I went to the gold coast, not to do the theme parks as I would be when one of my sisters come later next month. So I did the Ripley's Believe it or Not museum, knowing full well that the people I have coming to stay throughout this year would show little interest in this, but would be of great interest to me. And indeed it was. I've heard people compare Ripley's type facts to Guinness World Records, but it isn't, it really just shows how weird nature, but more importantly, how weird humans are. As Ripley said in his first book "I have seen many strange things, but the strangest I've seen is man." Indeed, so many of his objects are weird things humans have done, or weird things human cultures have done, and that's interesting. My one thing I have a problem with, is there's a room you can walk through which has two laser projectors each end, splitting a single beam. The problem is, you can see the source, which is REALLY harmful for your retinas. But anyway, and then I was just walking around, (Surfer's has TERRIBLE parking. There are two places to park, on the street or at the shopping centre. All are ticketed and expensive. It's almost cheaper to hire a hotel for the day so you can use the valet. ) looked a few different free tourist places, tracked down a hotel I stayed at when I was 10 (The name has always stuck with me. And the fact that when we first went into the room we stayed in they hadn't cleaned out the fridge. And then I was a bit bored, and I realised the back of my ticket to the museum ($22.50 entry. WHAT. THE. HELL. Worth it though, although a lot of it is family friendly (And that's how they pitch it in their late night TV ads.) They don't mention that 2 adults and 2 children would be racking up higher than $50. But I guess that's to be expected. Tourism and what-not.) Was a cheap ticket to the skydeck, a room on the 77th floor of an apartment building (Able to be booked as a function room, if you're interested.), the current tallest building at the Gold Coast. Just sort of thought, that's how I need to finnish this day So went up there, had a drink at the bar, took some nice photos of the beach, the hotel roofs and the sunbathers that happened to be on them at the time. And the nice sunset. Realising then I now needed to make an hours drive in the dark. But you get that.

The Saturday just gone I turned my attention Northward. This time however, looking through tourist destinations I had a bit harder time. I picked one at random that sounded okay and went for it, about 30 minutes into the drive however, I saw "Tourist Drive, exit 1Km" Being not exactly inspired by my destination , I though "What the hay?" and made a very quick turn off.

You see, I am constantly in the right place at the wrong time. What I mean is, I go to places where interesting things might happen they never do. I mean, even with now getting the attention, making my way to grad events, and catching up with them during lunch, I still haven't found a group of, dare I say it, my type of people. As an old Perth friend tells me "Breaking into pre-formed social groups is hard," which it is, but I thought if I get out of the house, who knows who I'll find. I keep ignoring my own advice to head to a LAN cafe, and I think that's where my problem is.

Or, if I don't even meet people, I might have an interesting experience. Sure, I could tell people about my little day trips, but I wanted something interesting, it's one thing to share stories about tourist spots, but, you know, lots of people have them, lots of people have taken the same photo, of the same interesting landmark. It's like quite a few people in my family have been to New Zealand, some of the financial assistance I received for my birthday was for a trip, the suggestion I got was New Zealand. Although some of the places does sound really nice to look at, the latest people to go there came back to lots of responses like "Oh yeah, it was bad day when I went there too" "I really liked Milford sound as well." and "Oh yes, I remember being there/doing that." Sure, a trip is special for you because your the one experiencing it, But when I can look at photo albums from 4 different people and see the exact same photos crop up occasionally, it just turned me off the idea. I can watch 400 hours of people's videos and complain about the cold and have a similar experience. The experience those people did have was the fact that they experienced one of the after shocks of the Christchurch earthquakes. and even though the only descriptions I've got were "Everything shook. It was really scary" I consider that almost the highlight of their trip. Something they didn't plan for, something out of the ordinary. Which is why I am VERY serious about spending my 25th birthday in Antarctica, Sure any of my photos the white balance will be way off, but I might be able to say "You see that penguin, guess what? It's not behind glass!" And sure people can say to me "Can't you just look at pictures on the internet, rather than have the threat of frostbite or hypthothermia?" to which I say "And miss out on a birthday where it's daytime for 24 hours? Hell no." "But, why can't you go somewhere safe? Somewhere there will be people your own age, who will speak English and you can associate with. OH And are you going to care about calling your family? Are you going to care about anyone who at that point care about you? Or are you only going to think about yourself YOU INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE."

"I can go anywhere if I want. I... Can go anywhere.."

So I took the turn off. Something I didn't plan for, something to make it seem like less of a drive to a destination and back. And I really enjoyed that drive. It's the glass house mountains scenic route. A lot of it is 100 km/h road, doing blind turns up and down hills with lush vegetation either side, and on that particular day, I saw one other car the entire trip, and I stared out the window and saw awesome, foliage covered mountains.

I've always respected the way my dad drove, it seems he could drive for hours on really boring roads, somehow keep himself awake and never do anything silly. Just sit in the perfect distance from the edge and the white line, and if anything crazy happened, he could handle it, break well, swerve if needed, always completely in control. I did not really inherit this trait. Especially on drives with scenery, I gotta glance out the window occasionally. Now, I am pretty good, and on this particular road, after the first panorama-with-a-blind-corner got me on the other side of the road, I decided to concentrate a lot harder, and hence, got through okay, but seriously, scenic drives need some sort of warning "Drivers are suggested to be people who find green valleys and tropical foliage really boring." That road should not have as high speed limit as it does either, but it's SOOOOO much fun, you get the techno pumping, the sun peeping through the clouds into the trees. Oh, it's incredible. And once you get to the top, you get this 360 degree view of these different mountains (a few more tourists by this point, but still not too many, and none were on the walking track, so that was great.) Although this place must pick up at some point. It had TWO toilet blocks. Within 20 metres of each other. WTF.

So I was here quite a while actually, enjoying the breeze and the view. Now the glasshouse mountains were named by Mr Cook who did some pretty famous sailing around Botany Bay. Now, I hear "Glass House Moutains" and I think, that must have a really cool story behind them. Turns out he looked at them and they reminded him of the roofs of glass factories back home in England. Weird the stuff you think of when you're homesick. Luckily they were not called the "Kinda remind me of the industrialisation of England and the really drab grey everywhere and toxic air of London in the late 1800's and the fact that we don't know what a beach is" mountains. Now, the range are the ruminants of volcanoes (Hence, the beautiful foliage.) In fact, they are not the volcano, but the remains of the magma inside the volcano, as it cooled, this hardened. The volcano laid dormant and erosion removed the volcano itself leaving just this 'frozen' core. Kinda like if you had a blocked nose then your face melted off. Okay, nothing like that. More like if you froze a bottle of wine then dropped it, shattering the wine glass but leaving the wine-block in tact. Much more pleasant image (Nice of you wasting your good wine like that to help me form an analogy, much appreciated.).

However, great in terms of names is the name for two particular mountains in the range.got the name simply of "The Pair"

Two dome shaped mountains, very close together, very similar height. I can only imagine the conversation that lead to the name.

James Cook: "Ah look at these wondrous formations. So large, so green. Amazing! Two of them look to be the same in height! And so close together! It looks as if God himself drew them perfectly together, they are so iconic! They look like.. Erm. Well, you know they kinda remind me of... Something I once saw in a book. I mean, I don't want to sound unprofessional, but we really need to call them something to remind us.. well, oh come on, I mean they look like.."

First Mate: "Like a beautiful pair, my captain?"

James Cook: "Yes, that's what they look like a perfect duplicate of each other. That's what we'll call them 'The Pair'"

(The group look at the beautiful canyon, and reflect silently for a few moments.)

Immature person (who was probably living in the gully.): "Heh, boobies."

James Cook: "What did you just say in my presence, young squire?!"

Immature person: "Er.. Erm, 'Boobies' sir, in that tree over there, I saw them nesting in that tree but they just flew off."

James Cook: "Ah, most interesting sir. First mate, write that down. 'Wandered up mountains seeking enlightenment, found boobies.'"

The only flaw in this logic of course being that the Sulidae Sula is not native to the Queensland coastal area.

Interesting also is the attempt to find a nice photo of the glasshouse mountains without people standing in front of it ruining the shot. "We are more than aware you went on a trip to the glasshouse mountains, you do not need to be in shot, or pretending you are having a good time, regardless of whether you are, or had just had an epic hour long fight in the car."

By the time I had found my own enlightenment, it had gotten quite late, so drove promptly onto the sunshine coast to my destination. 30 minutes further down a much more boring road, only broken by finding another memory from my trip to Brisbane, two rest stops, one on each side of the road, each with a large service station picnic tables and a McDonalds either side. Seriously, within 6 car lanes of each other, two Macca's. AND IN THE LAST TEN YEARS, now TWO KFC's. Sigh. Not wanting to push it any later, I ignored this and pushed on. To my grand destination for this trip: A pub. It turned out, that this was quite a famous pub for some reason or another. I was expecting a museum or something but no, just a pub. Not really wanting to stop for a drink, I drove aimlessly, finding the big pineapple (Closed for renovations.) Nostalgia Town (Closing within 30 minutes.) and a river front jetty. (Closed due to inclement weather.) Dejected, and maybe considering researching a better place for next weekend, I decided to find a beach. After all this was the sunshine coast, and although the cloud had really come in, and it was drizzling a bit, I wanted to see a beach.

But all I could find were retirement villages. SO MANY RETIREMENT VILLAGES. All very nicely gated to keep out any unruly folks, all near the beach (according to maps I was working off, but access only for the inmates. I mean, condemned. I... mean. No I don't think I can make up for that agest remark. It was quite late. I decided to just be glad I saw some hills, and start the long trek home. Although, I could revel in the fact, that with the roads and my car being like it was, I was doing what used to be a multiday hike in just over an hour, and leave it at that. The fact is, I would be turning off the road onto another road and staying on that single road. The next road I would run at, has my house on it. And that's something to be very pleased about it. Then I slammed the brakes (After, of course, checking there was no one behind me, because I am a safe, alert driver.) Because hidden by a tree, and at some point, drastically bent by something. Was a sign pointing to a very thin, poorly sealed road to "BEACH ACCESS." A couple of kilometres at some resemblance of a car park appeared (A few cars parked next to each other at the end of the road before it became sand.) Along a path enclosed by overhanging trees was sand. Golden sand. Reaching beautiful, slightly choppy, bright blue water, the sun peaked through a cloud, resting beams upon the scene. I sat on top a dune next to the path, satisfied. This weekend too, had just been worth it.

I can't believe how long I sat there, by my calculations, just under 45 minutes. Just sitting, looking and hearing the waves. My view only interrupted by the occasional dog, dog-walker, or young woman showing off just how tight a swimsuit can be. So that wasn't really that bad of an interruption. Strangely when I got home, the sun was only just halfway under the horizon. Giving me time to get to that cleaning up I had been thinking I knew would have to done.

But then I thought "Why ruin the moment?"

Positions unavailable

Box Fort Engineer.

Our office wars have just entered their 7th week. We are looking for civil engineers to rapidly increase our defences. There will be blood by elevenses.

Places where she isn't

- Gold Coast Ripley's Believe It or Not museum
- Front of Aristocrat apartments
- Timezone Surfer's Paradise
- Perth Convention Centre (17th March.)
- Timezone Fremantle
- Pot Black Cannington
- Glass House Mountains Lookout
- Random Beach, somewhere along the sunshine coast

And here's the moment where 4 females message me saying "What did I tell you about LOOKING for a girlfriend?"

Well, it's now late enough that I have to be up for work in 6 hours, so i should get some rest. I look forward to having something to post to you again soon, goodnight.

Day 7670

2011-03-07T21:26:00.001+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

What time is it? The clock says half nine... Is that right? Sun is up a fair way. Yeah, I'd believe 9.30 am. Think I'm gonna lie here a bit. Erg.. I guess the flight was uneventful. Can't really believe I'm in another time zone, let alone the 22nd 26th of February I've seen. Actually I had bad colic for a while, and there was that year I had that tummy bug. And the first one I really pulled a half day.

Let's go with "experienced" instead. This one was alright, an inscribed flask, a pasta maker and money from my extended family. So that was nice people being considerate about the fact that I had to haul it back to Brisbane so not buying me any items or objects of any sentimental value. I mean, that's totally the reason no one thought about something to give me. Okay, that did come off a little sour, and to be honest, I have a lot of trouble buying for some people, and it is very nice having some assistance for all these mysterious bills which keep turning up unannounced. Okay, slightly announced, but still, uncalled for.("All you're doing is burning stuff to make smoke and rotate a turbine, how dare you charge me for your smoke!"). But the knowledge that when I come back to Brisbane I was going to get no recognition at all (Except for my team leader, she's known me for such a short time, yet heard it was my birthday, so acknowledged me on Monday and we had a talk about the weekend, thank you so much. Although I scored a dead-to-me look when I indirectly called Adelaide a hole. So, recognition is unlikely ever going to happen again. I COME FROM PERTH. I deserved a retort.). It was just a shame that I couldn't see my mates (They were all busy and it was just the wrong weekend all around.) during this family event, and one of them couldn't say "Dude, I remembered once last year, you once mentioned in conversation just as I was walking out of earshot you suggested that one day you'd like a Slushie Cup, so I brought you one. And I could say "Really I admitted that once outloud?" and they could say, "Not really, but I could see in the look on your face that Lachlan needs a slushie cup." I don't really have any friends that have the ability to mind read, nor the real want or need for a slushie cup. But a reference to an old in-joke, or a "This is pointless but I know Lachlan, and Lachlan would love this" type gift. would of been nice to know that the previous 7669 days haven't been in vein.

As you can probably tell the finding friends thing is still not working out too well, it'll work out, but it's hard finding someone to relate to the "moved-across-the-country-for-a-job-but-seriously-too-young-to-be-looking-after-myself-and-and-would-like-to-find-a-group-to-drag-me-to-LANs-and-force-me-to-tidy-my-house-if-they-wanna-see-my-cool-setup-of-playing-Lips-over-skype" niche.

Although my parents did over deliver, with the simple gift of a tie clip. I have wanted a tie clip since I've worn ties and found they are very subjective to breeze. My parents didn't actually know this, I had said I would love a tie clip to nearly every person I've met except my parents . There are hot dog salespeople running small carts in Fortitude Valley that know I wanted a tie clip. My mum just somehow knew to give me a tie clip and went to several stores, and probably over payed for this simple gift. As well as giving me several other items (Like some financial assistance, not just for the sake of giving me financial assistance, for the sake that they knew I wanted to take the train up and go see some of the Witsundays, and wanted to help me do that.). The tie-clip however will be remembered and treasured for years. This was a sign, I had turned 21 and entered a workforce where ties where accepted. Now, I'm not forgetting that my brother in law/sister went over the top and brought me an entire suit. That's awesome, I need a suit for my tie clip to have a point. And since SPC stopped selling cans of spag-a-sarus in large tins. The pasta maker will be appreciated. It's just... I REALLY wanted a tie clip, and I got one. Without asking. Okay, it is assumed my parents know me enough to get something I really want/enjoy, but they didn't have to get me anything but the money for my trip. Seriously, if any of my friends want to get me something for when I next come back, that shows they impressively care about me, they have their work cut out for them. Their probably going to go for the USB drive which can also function as a tie clip.

A tie clip with TWO fuctions?! THE UNIVERSE IS BROKE! Although, how do you view all your funny pics of cats while sitting at a windy bus stop, I'm going to have to have my other tie clip as a back up for this situation.

The other pity was with how long people decided to stay. I mean, yeah I like seeing all my family, but guys, I have to get up at 6:30am EVERY DAY. Guy straight out of uni not used to that time schedule. Needs his sleep. And the fact that it was the last time in the house I was sharing with housemate. I loved that house. I matured in that house, like mould on a sandwich. Sure the house I was a child in was special with a few select memories. But this had my high school hell and uni days. This had my play through of HL2 for the first time. This had my use of 5.1 surround sound to scare cats. This house had my first blog post. This house had bad times. This house had me discovering who I was. That wasn't actually suppose to be my masturbation joke, but it'll do. Okay, that house didn't have an awkward high school experience. But it did hold memories with a rabbit (and it's poop.) that I will actually hold dear even though it wanted to break out really bad and the fact that it wasn't mine. This house had that time where I got the worst grade in my class for the very first assignment in year 8. Which is the other thing I wish I had on my 21st.

My family aren't really a fan of speeches, they go on forever, a lot aren't well thought out, and their either mushy, or sound like you're about to ask the person the speech is about to borrow his car to go steal a couch of a nearby lawn, even though you don't actually have a licence and you've had 3 vodkas. But seeing I didn't have any friends there to tell me my life had meant something to them, I wanted the other people who'd put up with me to do so.

So there was mild mention of a nudie run in year 3. I justify this as I thought it would save time. I realised I didn't take my bathers with me into the school change rooms. I thought, I'll just nip out, it's a 15 metre run to my bag, I'll put them on and then walk back. It'll be fine. Don't do this when you go to the same primary school as your older sister. Your sister will be humiliated and blame you for everything, I'm sure any sort of teasing that occurred has long since been forgotten. The school will inform your parents, you will have an interesting talk and be given pamphlets on self esteem. Wait, what? That's right. For running through the school naked I was told I had low self esteem. Man, I was part of the Y gen that keep getting told that we're all going to save the world. And I had the confidence to let everything flail around in public. I needed a pamphlet on "If you run out there naked you will realise just how cold today is." It was FREEZING. Hence, my nudity has been restricted to times it's warm enough to do so. Queensland is awesome.

There was also that time when I was between 4 and 6 and a pelican nicked my hat. "What's this kid think he's doing, he's shorter than me, walking right up all in my business, I'm going to steal that stupid thing on his head. WTF he's chasing me?! I'm gonna run away... Oh yeah, I have wings, totally dropping this thing, if he still runs after me, I'm dropping something else."

There was also that time when I was 5 and ate a whole bottle of multi vitamins. 5 year old logic 1 pill = 1 day of healthy, whole bottle = INFINITE HEALTHY! NO VEGGIES EVER AGAIN! Mum (the next morning.): This bottle was full... Me: "Yeah, I ate them all. I bet I can fly now!" The only ability I got was fluorescent pee. You'd think it would of gone away after 16 years.

Now, I don't really like dobbing him in, but recently my dad had admitted to me that he was very scared about me in high school. I'm not sure if it steamed from this first assignment, or from the fact I coasted through primary school. But he admitted that he was so proud that he was wrong. That I had gotten my act together and got into uni, did a 3 year course in 3 years and got into a grad program. Moved across the country. And he was not scared to leave me there. He could trust me to take care of myself. And that was huge. Thanks Dad, I'm still amazed that I managed to accomplish this myself, I'm sorry for concerning you during high school and having a few near misses when it came to grades. I'm still not sure about this whole "working" thing, but at least I could make you proud once, if that's the only time you're are proud of me for the rest of my life, I'm sorry, but I will try my best to rise to another challenge, not just for your sake, but the last thing I want to do is make my parents think I'm having trouble with something. I've caused them enough grief over the years.

He then apologised for never taking me to a strip club and that my blog was awesome. I... Have no idea how I could be any more proud of who I'm related to.

Seriously, He's really proud of how entertaining and informative my writing style is, so that's a plus. Meaning he only just started reading it after I started spell checking it.

Speaking of new readers however. I'd like to say a warm hello to a person who has started commenting on my posts. And following me. And friended me on Facebook. And is liking a whole lot of my status updates. And has talked to me on Skype. Madame, you do realise how close you are entering into Stalkee #3 territory? Oh and you admit you're stalking me? And you appear to value my opinions? And you are in other country so you can actually have a meaningful relationship while "liking" me? Oh you have no idea what a unique position you are in! Seriously, wait till you've received your official "RTA stalkee" hat and you've exploited me for at least a night on my sofa (it's okay, it's a foldout bed.) before ditching me (I KNOW, the other two got T shirts, but then I have to get sizes, there's complications in postage, it ends up a real mess.) and ruining what could of been a good friendship.

Nah, I'm not ready to ruin another friendship. Although the sofabed is open to most family and friends travelling through Brisbane. But the hat you gotta work for.

Positions unavailable:

Because the job you want, you probably don't know that it even exists. Or that it's taken.

Test subjects are needed to find out if money does buy happiness.

Successful applicants will be given large amounts of money to go spend on anything they want. You will then be assessed on your happiness levels, on a rating of happiness, based on the scale"Having constipation" to "Found your car keys you've been looking for, for twenty minutes" up to "Coming back as an alpha male lion and being waited on hand and foot and being able to consummate 50 times a day for three days straight" all the way up to "You met your future self and they tell you everything turns out awesome, and they're not lying. To the epiphany "Got given a whole bowl of cookie dough to eat raw.".

Places she isn't:

Perth. She might still be there, but I was only there for 38 hours, and didn't really go out to a public area.

South Bank. Was there Sunday just gone. large markets, REALLY nice selection of restaurants and a view of gross water. Great way to spend a Sunday, though.

So until I start acting my age, good bye.

A glorious dawn

2011-02-20T17:25:00.002+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

I try not to sit nude on my couch. It just happens.

There's this thing in the back of my mind going, "Dude, you sisters/parents/relatives/friends are going to sit there, and here you are sweating all over the suede."

Well, guess what, mind talk, it's not real suede. Regardless of that, I will clean it before they get here. Like I'll mop the floors. And Vacuum. And get out all the boxes. And tidy my desks. And introduce my firewall. And buy more kitchen stuff... And clean up...

I know I don't get my first visitors until April, but I know all of a sudden, it will be April, I'll hear a ring at the door, freak out and try and find pants. Oh and buy a doorbell. And do laundry.

When I lived alone before, this guilt wasn't as strong. Housemate was fantastic when he cleaned. It was like a cyclone had gone through than BAM five minutes later you can eat off the floor. We were both pretty lax with when though, things were allowed to get messy. I started getting anal and doing more cleaning because I knew that soon, I would live alone. And now I am, and if there is a mess, I'm the one who cleans it up. Again, being another encouragement to ordering food as opposed to cooking something. I have been cooking, but it does mean getting all the dirty stuff together, filling up my sinks, scrubbing everything thoroughly, emptying my sinks (It's actually a task, you see, my sinks aren't drained by pipes, but by a flexible tube, that is too long and droops, therefore, stuff sits in the bottom, bringing smell and ants, so I gotta keep flushing it out.), cleaning my sinks, finding I've missed something. wiping it over, and hoping it doesn't look gross in 24 hours time when I come to use it.

But I am glad to report that my ability to wake early during the week is positive, the latest I've gotten up is 6.36 A.M. But I'm kinda in a mixed mood, I'm trying to stay positive but work is filled with, well, work. And coming home and seeing that I've got an endless list of stuff I could be doing has the exact same effect as when I had an unending list of stuff to do during high school or uni. I do nothing and waste download limit. Then regret that cause I have to pay for my own downloads now (I did when I was living with housemate, but it was a good price, wireless sucks.)

I also remember to empty my letter box, and put stuff in bins, and take the bins out before rubbish day. But all this is seriously taking it's toll. When is the time that you can sleep in till 11 chat on msn with mates about the bad daytime TV and that you should clean up the old pizza from two nights ago sitting on the floor of the lounge room. When is the time to make phone calls to places that are only open during normal business hours. And walk around the shops hoping you don't see something you want to buy. When is the time to hit on the girl working behind the counter at JB, the time to go through a series from beginning to end in as few sittings as possible. To just have a slideshow of all your funny pictures of cats while playing all your music. To go through your porn collection and delete the stuff that you can't remember when you downloaded it and you hope that the police aren't going to raid your place anytime soon. When is the time to set up your network server to support image distribution via Ghost or RIS. When is the time to randomly drive around your car and scout out new places to get milkshakes. When is the time to play through any of your pile of shame? When is the time to contemplate if your life is going in the right direction, and fill out the necessary paper work to change it? When is the time just to have a moment to stop and look around once in a while.

I knew adulthood took up a lot of your time, but I thought there would still be time to act like a uni student. But apparently, you have to stop. Which sucks a bit. Cause I still feel like one, and I don't want to overly mature into an idiot. I don't want to stop saying "Like a boss" every time I put on one of my suits. I don't want to stop having overly sugary milk drinks. So I pick high fibre breads for my sandwiches and spreads which include omega three to make myself feel better. I don't care that it's not helping myself, it's making one part of me work better, and that's good enough for me. Seriously, being able to crap when I'm older sounds like a big plus. I keep that little bit of immaturity cause I may be 21 next week, but I'm still young enough that I can make mistakes and people will say "That's okay, your twenty one, you're allowed to make mistakes as long as you're willing to accept the consequences." That I can deal with. It's the "You a fully adult now." That I'll have trouble dealing with in 9 years. FUCK I'M GOING TO BE THIRTY IN NINE YEARS. That's just not right. I can't see myself that old. At least hopefully all the pimples will be gone by then, I'm getting sick of them. So yeah, maybe I gotta get over my current attitude by then. But that's a while away, I'm not saying ages, cause it's less than half my lifetime away. I just want the 30 year old me, to not regret the 21 year old me, at atleast recognise him, and at least want to spend one drink with him.

So that's why, after my shower, I didn't immediately dress. I went straight to the couch and made a fresh imprint on the couch, because I have just over 48 hours a week when I can still vent my uni student, so I gotta take full advantage of it.

So I'm naked on a couch, enjoying the fresh breeze of a fan (Hey, I maybe disgustingly open, but the fire department across the street don't need to see me naked. They'll have plenty of chance for that when I do something silly and they see smoke billowing from my kitchen. (Convenience though, don't have to make a phone call, just have to yell loudly. They keep me up at night sometimes and when I need them, I'm doing the same.)

Unfortunatly, there is a lack of graffiti in Brisbane. There's art, but none of it is good enough for graffiti of the week. So I'll post some if I find some but in the mean time, I introduce two semi-regularly posted footers know as "Places where she isn't" and "Openings unavailable."

Openings unavailable.
Books, Movies and Games bring escapism. What they also bring through escapism is a want to be somewhere, somewhen, that you aren't current at. So here are the jobs for where you'd rather be:

Opening:
Wanting to make a difference? Great Problem Solving skills? Willing to step up to the plate to be a hero (of science.)?

Black Mesa has openings for

Engineers
Theoretical Physicists
Security Staff
Systems Support personnel

that are willing to put the time and effort in for experimental physics research!

Engineers
Although our work is highly dangerous, Black Mesa makes the safety of its' employees top priority, providing the latest technology HEV suits against the radiation you'll be dealing with in your everyday work environment.

Theoretical Physicists:
It's time to get your knowledge out in the field. Working with top secret government funded projects will be part of your everyday life for your foreseeable future! Note: You may be required to perform some menial tasks (Pushing buttons, flicking switches.)

Security Staff:
Managing security of the base is very important to us, our staff rely on you security our equipment for our projects to be successful. *Clearance for handling of firearms, light weaponry, heavy weaponry and highly explosive materials must be obtained prior to applying.

Support Staff:
Do you like to walk around holding keyboards? Can you diagnose issues based on scientists with Ph'D's saying "It doesn't work"? Good, cause our shit is breaking and we don't know why.

Places where she isn't.
I know it's sad to think like this, but when How I Met Your Mother started, it was 2005. Ted is now over thirty, and the events being told seem increasingly unrelated. If he ends up with Zoey I'm killing something. I mean, I love the story, the characters, the catchphrases, the in-jokes, but if I were telling the story of How I Met Your Mother, I'd at least stick to relevancy. So to spend up this story for me, on the nights when I do go out for a little bit of courting (Or is that when you've already got a girl.. I dunno, it just sounds better than "Hunting"), I try to think "Where is she tonight?"

Turns out she's not at:

The Hibiscus Sports Complex dive in movie. (18/2.) This was a free event to go see Toy Story 3 in a outdoor pool. It started at 7, it was 16 km away and I left at 6.56 and had no idea how to get there, so I arrive at 7.37. Turned out that it was aimed at 7-12 year olds.

"I was just looking to go for a swim."

"The lap pool is unfortunately closed for a dive in movie"

"Okay, I was planning to go see that, can I still go in?"

"Yes, it's just mainly little kids."

"Erm. Aside Oh dammit. That's okay, so where's the pool?"

"Erm, okay, down the end of the hall and too the left."

Okay, so I don't come across as a paedophile, that's a plus. The pool itself was a lap pool, but the life guards didn't want anybody to swim, rather just to stand awkwardly. So I went up to the deep end of the pool, and just floated around on my back, it was a hot night, so i decided to make the most of it. So I just swum making sure I got as little as attention as possible, silently eves dropping on a couple of 13 year old females complain that high school looked like it was going to be hard and there were not hot guys. Tell me about it. Here I am in a pool with a beautiful view of the night sky, with Toy Story 3 on, a movie that was aimed at my age group (Don't deny it.) And not one person older than 14 but younger than 30. And not having their own children in attendance. Oh well, you get that when you do something spir of the moment based on a Facebook post from the Brisbane City Council. (BTW, their relationship status is set to "It's Complicated." I'm wondering which other state that's council that's referring to.)

The Mana Bar (18/2.) Yes, straight after the interesting swimming pool experience I decided to check out the one thing I've been holding off doing. I try to stay very optimistic when on these treks, the annoying thing being, not that I keep getting shot down, is that I can't even find someone who wants to talk. I've love a night full of shut downs as long as I could keep talking to a few people, it's very hard to have a good time when your sitting by yourself. So anyway, the Mana bar was one of these places I'd heard about, and I didn't want to ruin my optimistic visions of an amazing club filled with awesome techno, a mix of games, people talking a really good atmosphere, and a good mix of people.

You can probably guess that the night was headed for tragedy. it's not that the Mana bar isn't awesome, it's a small hole in the wall filled with a giant case of some of the greatest gaming memorabilia ever. It's just being small, it's packed, I don't mind that, and the people are really really good at understanding that everyone wants a turn to play the game, that everyone wants to try one of the custom cocktails. So the wait for either is pretty efficient, even though the wait to get in can be a while (The licence only caters for 60, and there's more than sixty people who want to be in this place on a Friday night.) So I'm in, and what do I find. People are all there in groups. I'm not a lone wolf by choice, but being in Brisbane I haven't found any very good friends, a lot of work connections, people I like working with, chatting with, but no mates. I mean, if I get a friend out of any of these "Hunts" that would be good enough. But people get into their own conversation, people don't really talk while gaming, it's not even really full of desperate geeks like me (At least I could possibly associate with that crowd.), the music isn't really what you'd having going at a LAN. There's a projector constantly scrolling through game trailers which is good, but the drinks aren't really to my liking. I might go again tonight, they are doing a special "25 years of Zelda" and you can play most Zelda games. But I'm not sure if it's worth the effort, maybe I might get a few friends, my interactions with Link have actually been few and far between, but I can pick up the gist ideas. I know if I go tonight the pick up line "It's dangerous to go alone, here, take me." might at least get a laugh.The point is, she wasn't there that night and that the Mana bar will not be as a regular haunt for me as I thought it would be.

Arrival

2011-01-26T22:31:00.001+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of any company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not be taken seriously.

Okay, so I have a place. & A hotel room in the city, Stuff, a place I need to be on Monday and a car arriving shortly.

What I don't have in a sense of direction, a sense of place or any food.

The place is a nice 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom flat, in an older suburb of Brisbane, an 8 minute train ride and a 5 minute walk out of the city. The hotel room is one given to me by the ATO which I now promptly have to give up, having found a place. No "I have a hotel room" pick up lines for me on my first day. Granted, there is the possibility that the response would be "Really? I have one too!" And then things would just get awkward the morning after.

"So, look I have an early meeting"

"We have to be at work at the same time."

"Okay, well I'll see you around afterwards."

"You sure will, my room is right next door."

"..."

Urg. No relationships with work colleges. Irresponsible trysts aside, it is nice to have a home. People and personal belongings displaced by the flood (Amazingly, my house was unaffected and the train station I use as well as my building have been cleaned up.) aren't so lucky. If you've already donated to the flood appeal, good on you, cause I can only imagine the difficulties people must be going through. I do know one other graduate, who is in Canberra, whose belongings will not be received until Tuesday because of a backlog of Brisbane deliveries. And here's me not really unpacking anything surrounded by rubbish and toilet paper.

SO MUCH TOILET PAPER. I'm building a fortress.

I did live on my own for quite a long period of time. So it's taking some time to adjust back to making my own company. Granted I'm an introvert, but that still doesn't mean it's still not hard. The one thing that is making it hard is the fact that it still feels like a holiday, but I am now a Queensland resident, first this means filling out a lot of forms, trying to tell everybody who has my address that I am somewhere else. There's a lot, and even people who fine me if I don't tell them. Seriously, this AEC mob, why do they think they are so important?

I don't know the geography of Brisbane. I don't know suburb names, it's hard to have somewhere feel like home when you don't know much about it. I keep walking around the city and although landmarks are beginning to look familiar and I keep seeing the same street names over and over again, but getting maps in my head is not an easy process. And I don't want to get over reliant on a GPS, I'd just seem stupid. However, I have found a couple of places to walk to, and in the process found out how brilliant 7-11's are.

But anyway, just a little short distraction whilst I should be unpacking. Relative gets here tomorrow to inspire me to unpack and make sure I get in on time to my first couple of days. Wish me luck. That probably means my fortress has to come down :(

Well, this was shorter than I thought it was going to be, good bye.

To the new era

2010-12-30T18:50:00.003+10:00

This blog does not represent the opinion of Murdoch University, or Aquila Septem Pty. Ltd. Co. Inc. or any other company, industry or persons mentioned. This blog is written for entertainment purposes only and is not to be taken seriously. This blog follows on from Lachlan's previous blog "Disorderly Accounts of Uni Life." A blog written for Murdoch university, there maybe some inside jokes in this one that will be explained there.

So sit back, pull up a chair, relax a bit. This is going to be a long trip. But it should be an enjoyable one.

Dear <FirstName><LastName>,

And a Merry Christmas and a happy new year to your all, and especially to you <FirstName>, I do hope the festive season has treated you well.

There is always some debate on whether a new decade/century/millennia should begin on the 0th year or the 1st year. of a given time frame, due to the fact that the original construction of the Gregorian calendar did not include a year 0, but this was added sometime later, I'd like to think it does indeed fall on the first year. Regardless of the actual accepted time beginning of the time frame alluding to 201*, I'd like to state that this is the beginning of a very big time for me so I would like to say that this is the end of the time in which I have been learning all the skills I was told would be necessary to continue life successfully, and entering in to the time where I learnt that that was just stupid and I will continue learning redundant knowledge for the rest of my days.

This is indeed the year where I start working full time. And start planning my next move to get out of there as soon as possible.

As much as I hope to get out of there, I must admit, I will most likely be stuck there for 10 or more years. After all, it's a steady income and the job can't be that bad and admittedly I may be in fact designing or working with systems that affect the entire Australian population. A daunting task but provides a great excuse for any problems.

"It's not working fast enough!"

"It needs to work for 20 million people"

(hang up)

Although it would be nice if I could convince the appropriate people that a GUI with less grey can help.

but anyway. Still don't know what I'm going to be doing, so let's just wait until February before I start talking about how dead end my section is.

And that's the other thing that I can't get through my head yet. I FINISHED university. That wasn't actually suppose to happen, I always thought it would be nice, but I just kept completing semesters then... I've got no more to do, and a job. It's still all a bit "Awww.." well, I guess it really only is monumental for me. You're probably bored out of your mind reading this.

Why are you reading this? (That was rhetorical.) Why am I writing this? (So was this.)

This Christmas letter thing is stupid.

Screw you guys. I'm going to Brisbane.

Kind Regards,

Lachlan.

Graffiti of the week has been temporarily (hopefully temporarily.) suspended